Recognizing Signs of Teen Dating Abuse

The following was submitted by David Kronlein and Ann Cefola from the Scarsdale Coalition on Family Violence: Domestic violence, unfortunately, isn’t limited to adults. The Scarsdale Coalition on Family Violence has partnered with Scarsdale High School over the past decade to increase community awareness of teen dating abuse—a phenomenon that happens to one in three adolescents in the U.S. And yes, we know it’s happening in Scarsdale. October is National Domestic Violence month. What can you do to protect your own children, as well as other young people you know in our community? Make yourself aware of the warning signs . The teen who is being abused will have some of these signs:

• Falling or failing grades

• Increased instances of indecision, stops giving her/his own opinion

• Changes in mood or personality

• Use of drugs/alcohol, not just experimentation

• Emotional outburst , not just mood swings

• Depression

• Will become isolated, insist on “more privacy”

• Physical signs of injury — cuts, bruises, etc.

• Makes excuses for the abuser’s behavior

• Begins to put herself/himself down

Although parents may not see many of these, here are the signs concerning the abuser:

• Is extremely jealous, hypersensitive and controlling

• Verbally abusive and threatens violence

• Has unpredictable mood swings, with instances of explosive anger

• Uses drugs and alcohol — not just experimentation

• Isolates his/her partner from friends and family

• Uses force during an argument, physical and emotional

• Believes in rigid sex roles , i.e., women are a possession

• Blames others for his/her problems or feelings

• Has a history of abusive relationships

Keep your eyes and ears open when your teen is dating. Stay involved and most importantly be there when your teen wants to talk. These things will help you see the signs of dating violence, should you need to. Parents can also receive confidential guidance from the Scarsdale High School staff, the Youth Outreach Workers, the Scarsdale-Edgemont Family Counseling Service (723-2381), My Sister’s Place (683-1333 or the hotline at 800-298-7233), or Hope’s Door ( 238-2800 or the hotline at 888-438-8700).