Relaxing is Hard Work

Apologies in advance to everyone who is rushing to slather sunscreen on three children and pack up camp backpacks on their way to their job. In fact, don't read this. Please. When I was growing up my mother was a master at honing in on the child that was comfortably relaxing, minding their own business, and disrupting them.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Me: Yes.
Mom: Put away your laundry?
Me: Yes.
Mom: Did you start your book report? It's due next week.
Me: Yes.

This would go on until she would find something, anything, that I had not done.
Mom: Did you plant a vegetable garden?
Me: No.
Mom: Well maybe you shouldn't be laying around when there's stuff to be done.

And so began my difficulty with just doing nothing. To me relaxation equals laziness and irresponsibility.

I have a friend who can sit outside during the day and read for hours. Or nap. Of course she does a ton of stuff for her family, always has a fully stocked fridge and finished laundry. But she also gives herself permission to take those unaccounted for chunks of time to just "be." Even now, while my son is away at camp, and my "Have To’s" list is pretty sparse I have such an uneasy feeling doing nothing. After all, there's always a vegetable garden to plant.

Today is a good example. I booked a massage for this afternoon and have dinner plans with a girlfriend tonight. I don't have to wake up at a certain time or take care of a ton of stuff, but when I woke up, my inclination was to leap out of bed, shower, eat and get out the door. To go where?

Well, I'd find something to do. A trip to the post office or a return at Target. Or at least sit down and write all my Cool Mom Picks posts that I have waiting for me. Work on the weekly e-blast for my pool club. Call my surgeon about my upcoming ankle surgery. But I'm trying to, at least for one day, give myself permission to stay in bed. Watch America's Next Top Model (even though I never do). To relax over coffee and yes, maybe even read a my book. (Horns, by the way, which is fantastic).

And you know what? It's only 10:45 and I'm so uneasy. An endless loop of "You should be...you should be...you should be..." is playing in my head. So, I turn to my trusty, neglected, blog to try to exorcise these feelings by putting them into words.

It reminds me of a great All in the Family episode where the doctor tells Archie that he needs to relax. Not lose his temper. Everyone around him tries to help by trying desperately to not set him off. And in the end he can't handle it. Remaining calm and relaxing is not who he is. He needs his tirades to blow off steam.

Maybe relaxing is just too stressful for me. Or maybe learning to relax should be at the top of my "To Do" list today. What do you do to relax?

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