Five Things to Do to Prepare for a Divorce
Divorce Mediator and Attorney Lori Greene offers the following tips to those contemplating a divorce:
Divorce does not happen overnight. Marriages break down over time for many different reasons. One of the most common triggers is difficulty working through financial stress/pressure together, which can then lead to one or both spouses becoming depressed and wanting to escape. How do people escape? Sometimes they abuse drugs and alcohol, have extra-marital affairs, or work more and more, spending less quality time at home. All these practices destroy the marital bond and connectedness over time.
That is not to say people that wealthy people are immune from relationship breakdowns. Many of my divorce mediation clients are couples with substantial net worth, yet their marriages still deteriorated over time. Sometimes a spouse may fall victim to “mid-life crisis” and engage in activities that are destructive to the marriage. A lot of couples unhappily stick it out together until they hit the “empty nest” phase, like Bill and Melinda Gates, who are now separating after 27 years of marriage.
So how do you best prepare yourself, no matter what your age or financial situation may be, if you think you might be headed for divorce in the future? Below are 5 critical ways to get yourself ready:
1. Budget for Separating- Often in a marriage one person is much more knowledgeable about the family finances than the other. If finances aren’t your strong suit, take the time to educate yourself and become familiar with the monthly expenses/debts (as compared to the income flowing in). There are budget worksheets you can obtain from professionals in the divorce field that will help you figure out what you may be able to afford after separating from your spouse.
2. Know Your Assets and Debts- Cars, real estate, and retirement accounts are just a few examples of valuable assets that may have been acquired during your marriage. Learn the values of these assets, with the help of appraisers or other experts, to get a sense of your “net worth”. Keep in mind that the marital assets and debts would be split equitably (not necessarily equally) according to New York Law. A consultation with a knowledgeable family law attorney can provide insight about asset and debt distribution in your case.
3. Decide Who Moves Out- Once you are comfortable with the financial aspects of divorcing, start planning for the next step, like who will eventually move out. This can be one of the hardest decisions, especially when young children are involved. Before making a final decision regarding house sales and moving out it is a good idea to consult with a divorce lawyer. You will want to preserve your legal rights, protect your property interest, and limit any personal liability before moving out.
4. Work out a Parenting Plan- When children are involved, it is often helpful to work with a family therapist, divorce mediator, or other professional who can help you come up with a parenting plan that works for your situation. There is no “one size fits all” parenting arrangement. Most important is to be realistic, practical, and sensitive to the needs and interests of all involved, especially those of the children.
5. Find Positive Outlets to Reduce Stress- Going through divorce is an anxiety provoking time. People tend to retreat, isolate themselves from others, and can become depressed. The best way to stay healthy and connected is to confide in family, close friends, and others that you trust, and lean on them. Work out, meditate, or engage in activities that will make you stronger both physically and mentally.
Most important, the stress of going through the divorce will be reduced substantially if you plan and are prepared long before your spouse says: “I want a divorce.” Trust your intuition for warning signs, and educate yourself, so you can make thoughtful decisions that meet your needs and interests.
Greene says, “Yes, I am an attorney, but this article does not create an attorney-client relationship. This is legal information but should not be seen as legal advice. Consult with an attorney and a financial planner regarding your specific situation and goals.”
Lori Greene, JD, graduated cum laude from Brooklyn Law School and received her undergraduate degree, with distinction and high honors, from Tufts University. She is a certified mediator and an attorney, licensed to practice law in New York, with over 20 years of combined legal and business experience. Lori’s broad range of experience and skills include: complex family law matters, insurance coverage disputes, and commercial litigation cases, allowing her to skillfully assist clients in resolving all of their business and legal issues involved with divorce. Learn more here.
