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Published: 08 June 2010

Created: 08 June 2010

Last Updated: 10 June 2010

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Over the years I have spoken with hundreds of parents from varying socio-economic and educational backgrounds. Without a doubt, all parents want the very same thing: children who listen and a peaceful home life.

We don’t want to yell or get angry with our children. We carry our frustration and upset from conflicts at home to work and everywhere we go. This burden often leaves us internally distracted and detracts from our ability to focus. Ultimately many of us feel inadequate as parents and riddled with self-doubt. For some these feelings are like a dirty little secret that we are ashamed to admit, while others find themselves talking about their mistakes and disappointment to anyone who will listen. We may buy parenting book after parenting book, but have little time to read when the kids are playing tag in the living room near the breakable stuff and dinner is burning on the stove.

There are numerous helpful strategies, and some will work for one family and not for another. However, it has been my experience that the single most transformative habit with respect to achieving a chaos-free home, is keeping a gratitude journal. This one habit has entirely shifted my perception of the events in my own life, and it has turned out to be a helpful parenting tool as well. Most of us tend to focus on the bad things that happen every day. We love to recount our trials and tribulations, ignoring our many daily blessings. Some of us enjoy sharing our suffering with our friends and family, relishing the intense attention our misery attracts and, when pressed, initially have trouble identifying even one positive event in our entire day!

Maintaining a gratitude journal shifts our mind set completely. We suddenly recognize the blessings in our lives. We identify positive events for what they are, and either make a mental note to record them later or jot them on an index card so we can record them in our journal later on. Suddenly, we become more peaceful, and, as we change our home life and family change as well. We actually train our brain to focus on the positive.

I believe that the most important time to write in your gratitude journal is when you are feeling down, perhaps when you think that there is nothing positive to say. For example, I am writing this from a hospital bed where I have been on and off since February. The doctor just told me that I will be here for at least another week, and I just wanted to cry. Instead, I pulled out my gratitude journal, determined to identify and record the hidden gifts of my health condition. I suddenly felt extremely grateful for the opportunity my condition will provide to write more articles, and to get my book off the ground. In terms of my family, my children have become much closer as siblings. Last night, when my youngest son was sad because I wasn’t home to read him a story and sing him to sleep, my eldest daughter, read to him, sang to him, and waited at the corner of his bed for him to fall asleep. This one event triggered at least five entries in my gratitude journal! I felt so grateful that my daughter had the chance to really be present for her brother, and that my son learned that he can count on his sister for help. As I recorded these events I could feel my whole body relax. I was able to get back to my center, feeling so fortunate and hopeful. .

There is actual scientific research backing up the impact of gratitude. In their article entitled “Highlights from the Research Project on Gratitude and Thankfulness, co-authors Robert Emmons of University of California and Michael McCullough of the University of Miami tried to measure the effect of keeping a gratitude journal on mood, achievement, and other aspects of life on adults and children. Here is a link to their findings: http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/labs/emmons/.

They found that those who maintained gratitude journals:
• Reported feeling better physically, happier with their lives as a whole, and more optimistic about the future.
• Were more likely to have progressed toward achieving their personal goals.
• Helped other people or offered others emotional support.
And….
• Among children, those who kept gratitude journals made positive thinking a habit and had better attitudes towards school and family life.

To get started, make a commitment to yourself that you will try this new habit for thirty days. Research suggests that an action requires between twenty-one and thirty days to become a habit. Treat yourself to a journal that you will enjoy writing in, and a good pen that feels comfortable in your hand. Carve out a peaceful time for yourself to write in your journal and make the ritual special. For example, I like to drink my chamomile tea and write in my journal before bed so that I can record every single positive event and go to sleep happy. I recommend writing each entry as a list, but you can also use a diary format. Because I write fifty items every night, the list method works much better for me.

As you write, please resist the urge to edit. Grammar and spelling do not count. You are not being graded. The goal is simply to make a running list of positive events that occur in your daily life. At first you may find yourself staring at an empty page, but keep at it. Try writing simple items, such as the gift of waking up healthy, the chance to eat breakfast with your child, the kindness of a friend’s email, or the fact that you arrived home safely from work. Not everyone who went to work today made it back home, and there are parents all over the world who would do anything for the opportunity to eat breakfast with their child. Get creative. Appreciate the scent of the spring air and the wind blowing gently though your hair, or your child’s willingness to set the table without complaining.

Start out with one or two items and one more each day until you get to five or ten. Continue to increase the number of entries as you become more aware of the daily occurrences for which you are grateful. If this habit really works for you, consider sharing it with your child. You might enjoy writing in your journals together as part of your bedtime routine. If your child is too young to write, have them draw pictures about the happy parts of their day.

Every once in a while sit with each of your children and read them the entries that you wrote about them. Your children will burst with pride as they recognize how deeply grateful you are when they do the right thing. While sincere praise in the moment is an effective behavior modification technique, I find that sharing items from my gratitude journal with my children has a profound impact on our relationship. I believe they feel truly appreciated on a deep level when they see that their good deeds have been recorded. At the very least, they know that I am focusing much more attention on what they are do right than on what they do wrong.

If you are interested in learning more parenting tools and strategies, consider joining Elizabeth’s upcoming Parenting Teleseminar Series, which begins this Thursday at 12:30 and 8:30 p.m. To register, simply click on this link to her website www.aaaparentcoach.com. Topics will include Authentic Parenting, Power Parenting, Peaceful Parenting, Anger Management and Harmonious Living.

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Published: 13 June 2010

Created: 13 June 2010

Last Updated: 17 June 2010

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The Edgemont High School Prom was held at the Glen Island Harbour Club on Friday night June 9. Students gathered at private homes beforehand to take photographs and then went onto Edgemont Junior and Senior High School to greet family, friends and community members.
From there, they boarded buses to the Club and after the prom many went to the city to continue the celebration. Some chose to go to a night club while others partied at a private loft. In the wee hours of the morning, students returned to Edgemont for breakfast.

Take a look at some of Edgemont prom goers here and if you have pictures to share, send them to scarsdalecomments@gmail.com

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Published: 26 May 2010

Created: 26 May 2010

Last Updated: 26 May 2010

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The John Parker Compton Memorial Tennis Tournament is in its 64th year, open to all Westchester junior tennis players. The “Comptons” is a USTA level 2 sponsored event. It is held at the Fox Meadow Tennis Club in Scarsdale, as well as the Scarsdale High School, beginning on Monday, June 7th, with the earliest matches starting at 3:30PM. If you are interested in participating in the tournament, you must register online on the USTA website at www.usta.com/tennislink. To register, click “Enter Now” under Tournaments; type in Tournament # 100516610 in the Quick Search box. The entry deadline date is Tuesday, June 1st at 9am. If you have any questions regarding the tournament, you may call either Dan Walczewski at 722-1160 or Dorothy Yewer at 723-3540.