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Written by Stacie M. Waldman

Published: 14 April 2021

Created: 14 April 2021

Last Updated: 15 April 2021

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When COVID closed down everything from schools to offices and the NBA to Broadway, most people thought the shutdown would last a few weeks. We gasped when schools didn’t reopen after two weeks. Parents made last minute decisions to move spring Bar and Bat Mitzvahs to later in the summer. Many newly minted teens who had been studying their Torah portions were dismayed about their postponed services and celebrations, but the end seemed to be in sight.

As restrictions for gatherings remained in place for much of the summer, families started turning to other options for Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. Some turned to Zoom to allow their child to complete the ceremonial portion rather than waiting for the pandemic to end. In many cases, this meant learning a new Torah portion unless the Bar/Bat Mitzvah was postponed a full year.

Now, 14-months after the crisis hit, Zoom-mitzvahs are still standard. Even as small in-person gatherings are starting up again, both in the sanctuary and out, travel restrictions remain (by choice or by law) and celebrations of any sort are limited in capacity, so the Zoom-mitzvah is a nice alternative for those that cannot attend or are not invited to attend in person.

In this two-part piece, we will focus first on what families are doing or have done for their children’s Bar and Bat Mitzvahs in the last year. Then, stay tuned for our follow up piece on vendors for everything Bar/Bat Mitzvah related: logos, invitations, photographers, videographers and Zoom experts, montages, venues, tent rental companies, dresses, caterers, and the newly minted “mitzvah boxes,” or boxes of goodies sent to guests attending the service remotely. (Feel free to ask questions in the comments section below.)

Whether you’re having the Bar/Bat Mitzvah at a synagogue or in your home, live streaming for guests not in physical attendance has become the norm in the pandemic. The benefits of using Zoom are that remote guests can interact with guests attending in-person as well as the child being honored. Live-streaming allows for one way viewing and the quality (both video and audio) tends to be higher with a simple web-cam or high quality camera. You can combine livestreaming with a Zoom, or even record people ahead of time participating in an aliya, for example, and play it at the time of their honor. You can manage things on your end (like splitting the screen and having the prayer book on the screen as well) or let people do it themselves.

Scarsdale Synagogue Temples Tremont and Emanu-El has been doing almost all services virtually since last March 2020. On April 17, they will begin in-person worship for up to 20 people outside. It will be a hybrid model until things are back fully in-person. The synagogue arranges the Zoom for Bar/Bat Mitzvah services, removing that burden from the parents.” I think the clergy are Zoom experts at this point,” said a mom of a newly Bat-Mitzvah’ed boy. Rabbi Jeffrey Brown seemed especially proud of his congregants. Families are accepting this “…with warmth and strength. Everyone understands the uniqueness of this moment. Each of our families has made the experience their own,” he said.

Rabbi Brown’s words should not be taken lightly. Though some expressed doubt that the service and celebration would be meaningful, many hosts, guests and honorees have found a deeper connection in a Zoom Bar/Bat Mitzvah than anticipated. A mom of two from Edgemont said she found Zoom services to be just a special as in person. “The service had all of the same components in it, so it didn’t feel that different,” she said. “Plus, they tend to be shorter and I can dress casually, so those are some nice perks of the Zoom service.” She added that she hopes Zooms will continue as they allow for out-of-town guests to be a part of the big day.

A mom of three from Edgemont has attended several remote services and agreed. “We watched from the comfort of our living room and appreciated the Bar Mitzvah boys’ effort, especially his speech,” she said. “We loved seeing the video screens of other friends watching and found just as much meaning in it as we would have in person.” A third mom felt like in-person COVID restrictions actually benefited her son. “He has anxiety and didn’t want a crowd or party in the first place,” she confided, “so this really worked out well for us. We were at home and both the Cantor and Rabbi were remote. Everything went better than expected. For us, having family of different generations be able to participate from all over the world was a silver lining. My son’s great grandmothers were both able to join remotely, and this never would have happened pre-pandemic.”

Many people I spoke with loved seeing a video montage at the end of the service and recommend including this for both the in-person attendees as well as the remote guests. We will have suggestions for self-creating a montage as well as hiring someone to do it in our follow up piece.

Restrictions on large indoor parties have allowed people to be creative with their celebrations for the Bar/Bat mitzvah honoree. Some people have had food trucks come to their driveways with limited guests in attendance and kept everything outdoors. “It was nice for my son to be a part of these small celebrations,” said one mom. “There were limited guests, it was all outdoors, and it felt both safe and fun. One celebration included 10 kids for 90 minutes, then another 10 kids for 90 minutes and there was food, a DJ and games for both sets of kids. A crepe truck and a hot chocolate bar were both hits with the kids.” Another parent is planning to host a small outdoor dinner party for 50 at a local country club after the service. A third family is planning to skip any sort of party altogether and will use the money they would have spent on that to make donations to organizations that are meaningful to their son.

Other trends? “I love these care packages people are sending out,” said a mom of an upcoming Bar Mitzvah boy. “A friend from San Francisco sent boxes with kippahs, candy, and other goodies ahead of time. It was such a nice surprise!” One mom sent Nutella babka from Martines Bakery in Scarsdale Village to remote guests. Another soon-to-be Mitzvah Mom said one host asked guests to email a picture of themselves watching the zoom service. “They will make an album out of that which will make for a beautiful memory.” Videos from guests using Tribute or Vidhug also seem to be popular ways to include remote guests in the celebration.

Are people feeling comfortable with indoor celebrations now that many adults are vaccinated? Most people I spoke with said no to indoors at this point but outdoors, probably. “We plan to seat people in pods and follow all safety protocols,” said a parent who is planning a dinner celebration for 50, outdoors, with some entertainment. “A family can have a table for four. Vaccinated people can sit with other vaccinated people they choose or others if all are comfortable. My goal is to ensure that everyone feels safe and is safe.” The club she’s hosting at is flexible with tables and they’ll plan seating last minute to accommodate requests.

What about gifts? We have no exact answer except that it’s important to feel good about your decision to gift. One parent felt confused about when to give a gift. “Last Fall, host parents were saying that the party was postponed but still happening sometime in the future after the zoom service. So, some parents of guests felt that giving the gift now was like saying ‘right, as if there’s going to be a party,’ and then if there is, do you show up empty handed at the party? Some hosts were using the Zoom with no party as a way to invite the entire grade in Edgemont,” she added. “On one hand, it’s inclusive and that’s lovely, on the other hand, it’s confusing from a gift-giving standpoint.”

Without a big party do you still give the large amounts we’ve become used to giving? Are we moving away from the “plate cost?” On the other hand, shouldn’t we give the same whether there’s a party or not? “It doesn’t seem right to penalize the kid because they happen to turn 13 during the pandemic,” said a thoughtful upcoming bat mitzvah guest. Then there’s the question of being invited to a Zoom from someone who likely wouldn’t have invited you if in person. Do you give a gift if you don’t attend the Zoom?

We would love to hear your thoughts in the comments section regarding gifting, your experiences as a bar/bat mitzvah host parent or guest during the pandemic, what worked or didn’t for remote gifts as well as plans for in-person celebrations.

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Written by Joanne Wallenstein

Published: 22 April 2021

Created: 22 April 2021

Last Updated: 22 April 2021

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Below find letters from Mary Blum, Lisa Copeland and Jennifer Fischer

To the Editor:

I don't understand why SBNC and contesting candidates are mutually exclusive? I think both SBNC candidates are solid and qualified.

However, I vehemently feel that the international, national, local experience and the professional expertise Alison Singer contributes is immeasurable. I believe, without senior leadership remaining, the onboarding to fill the void her foundational groundwork established over the past three years would be an opportunity cost VULNERABLE students and their parents could not afford. Further, I believe Alison Singer is uniquely qualified to represent any student who needs any kind of accommodation; having clearly demonstrated an unyielding ability to find balanced and measured responses to the diverse and critical issues our schools face, all while having deeply considered all sides.

I think in this election, it is vital that every voter, and ESPECIALLY every parent of a child who will be attending Scarsdale Schools over the next three years (of which I am not) takes the time to research each candidate. This year's choice directly affects the student in ways far deeper than just our tax funding. Information can be found online, in The Scarsdale Inquirer, and reelectsingerforschoolboard.org where former SBNC chairs explain why they support her.

We will never know, nor should we, how this slate was reached and by what margin. I am deeply grateful for the committee’s time, effort, and vetting system. However, while I wish Alison Singer was on the slate, I still feel bound to vote for her for the above stated reasons.

It seems to me the SBNC is there to make sure voters have well vetted candidates, and that their slate is strong. Yet, as an informed voter, given such an important choice, I must make up my own mind and vote my priorities. I don't feel it takes away from the exhaustive, sacred, and important work the SBNC does. I actually feel in this instance, if possible (and especially, should she be re-elected), Alison will need to be evermore vigilant with her School Board work.

The SBNC work is vital to our community and how they vote is honorable. I just don't think it has to be binding. Nor do I think their work need be mutually exclusive of other candidates running.

I think contesting candidates for the SBNC (and even the CNC) provide the opportunity for the Village citizenry to become all the more engaged and vigilant about who they elect.

If we simply capitulated, why bother with an election day? I don't mean that comment to be smug, as I agree that resources and time get used. I concede that sometimes it can backfire. I do not see how a contested election takes attention from the children's learning and teaching. I do think that contesting and using resources of money, energy, and time are wasted if the contester is a foil or unqualified. After all, isn't that your argument if Alison had been on the slate and one of the other two candidates had been edged out and wanted to run? I am happy to learn if have misunderstood the system.

Mary Blum
Wayside Lane

To the Editor:

I’m writing to urge my neighbors to vote for Alison Singer and Jessica Resnick-Ault for School Board.

I cannot imagine anyone better qualified for our School Board than Alison Singer. Since she was elected to the school board three years ago, Alison has gained significant experience and training. Alison’s expertise on students with disabilities and mental health adds significantly to her value on the board. Like many parents of children with special needs, I greatly appreciate Alison’s emphasis on inclusion and wellness for all our students.

Jessica is my Edgewood neighbor and local volunteer hero, who collects and distributes all kinds of necessities to families in need through nonprofits. If you drive past her house on the first Tuesday of the month, you will see her sifting through mountains of donations and directing a team of volunteers. Jessica is also a full-time working solo parent of her young daughter, since her husband Pete’s passing in 2017. Her perspective will add important diversity to the Board’s composition.

Alison and Jessica will bring important under-represented perspectives to the Board. After an incredibly challenging and stressful year, we need experience and expertise more than ever to keep us on the right track.

Sincerely,
Lisa Copeland

To the Editor:

I wholeheartedly support Alison Singer’s candidacy for a second term on the Scarsdale Board of Education. My comments are completely independent of both my role as PTA President of Greenacres and a third-year member of the SBNC. My support is based on Alison’s service on the BOE for the past three years, as well as her experience, leadership and institutional knowledge that will help guide the district into our post-Covid school years to come.

Alison has made an indelible mark on our district’s focus on students with special needs and abilities. There is no decision or policy put forth which Alison doesn’t eye from a perspective of how it affects our most vulnerable students.

Alison is keenly aware that all proposals must take into account stakeholders across the entire district, including parents with children young and old, empty-nesters, staff, administration and most importantly, the students themselves. This was especially evident this year, as we faced unprecedented challenges with no roadmap to follow. We, as a community, were terrified, confused and facing a barrage of constantly changing circumstances and guidance. As the Administration and BOE were tasked with balancing the needs of all, while maintaining the safest possible environment, there was understandably a tremendous amount of community engagement and varying opinions of what was the best path forward. A key turning point to our schools being able to open full time was the availability of vaccinations for our staff. Alison’s experience on the New York State Immunization Advisory Council helped her lead the board’s efforts in working with other districts to lobby Albany to expand access to vaccines for teachers.

Despite the extraordinary circumstances this year, Alison never lost focus on the necessary BOE business and functions. This is especially true of the budget and contract negotiations. Alison not only has an MBA, but in her career at NBC, participated in collective bargaining and contract negotiations. Her skills are invaluable to ongoing and future work on the Board.

In addition to my complete faith in Alison’s capabilities, there are also concerns with how we approach BOE tenure. As stated by others, there is a significant learning curve in the processes and procedures faced by new Board members and institutional knowledge, relationship building and trust can only be gained with on-the-job experience. Recent experience shows that when there is a hot-button issue and community interest intensifies, there is an inclination to assign sole responsibility to whichever BOE member happens to be running for a second term at that time. I strongly believe that Alison has not only worked tirelessly for our students and community over the past three years, but has provided the necessary checks and balances on all policy and administrative decisions that shape and guide the Scarsdale School district. We are fortunate to have her and I hope you will join me in voting for her on May 18th.

Jennifer Fischer
Greenacres Avenue

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Written by Joanne Wallenstein

Published: 07 April 2021

Created: 07 April 2021

Last Updated: 07 April 2021

Hits: 1481

The Friends of the Scarsdale Library will hold a “Love Our Library-Spring Celebration” on May 15th (rain date May 22nd). The celebration will be held outdoors at the Scarsdale Public Library and feature several fun child-friendly activities including:

-Performances by Dave Cast of Characters featuring “The Bubble Guy”

-Family rock painting

-Motorized boat racing at Library Pond

-Bollywood dance classes by Mayura Dance Academy

-Educational presentations by the Weinberg Nature Center

-Knit Together – Tanya Singer and Sarah Divi interactive art piece that attendees can photograph and post

-Tours of the Hindsight is 2020 Art Exhibit. The exhibit features local artwork inspired by the pandemic and attendees can sign up for tours at the event.

Food will also be available for purchase from the Apiary at the Library and Manny’s Ice Cream Truck.

Admission is $35.00 per family. Attendees are encouraged to also become “Friends” of the Library with an additional contribution to the FOSL. Due to COVID-19, families are asked to sign up in advance by May 7th via the Library’s website here. Car parking passes and wristbands will then be available ahead of the event for pick-up at Scarsdale Village Hall starting May 10th. Additionally, masks and social distancing will be required at the event, and hand sanitizers will be available.

Since 1946, the Friends of the Scarsdale Library (FOSL) has supported children’s enrichment, lifelong learning, and exciting programming that impact so many in the Scarsdale community. “The Friends of the Scarsdale Library is excited to put on this event for the community to celebrate our new library and the resilience of our community.” said Dara Gruenberg, President of the FOSL. She added “It is inspiring to see the continued support for SPL from Scarsdale, and the funds raised from our annual fundraiser are essential in supporting Library programming and activities that the community continues to enjoy and demand.”

Nancy Kaplan, FOSL board member, who is coordinating the celebration said, “After living for so long under lockdown and with restrictions gradually easing, Scarsdale families are eager for events to take their children to. We are thrilled to be organizing not just one of the first major community celebrations of the library, but for the Scarsdale community as well!”

Elizabeth Bermel, Executive Director at the Scarsdale Public Library added, “We could not hold a celebration for the community after the renovations to the library were completed last year due to COVID-19. I am excited that this event will serve in part as a community celebration. We are grateful to the Friends for all their hard work that raises funds to support our mission: to encourage the joy of reading, the exploration of ideas, and the pursuit of lifelong learning for the children and adults of our community.”

To purchase admission for the event, please visit the sign up page here: