Don't Ask, Don't Tell: Questions Not to Ask – or Answer—in Scarsdale
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The competition practically begins when the child is in the womb. Parents, often well-meaning, strike up a conversation by asking nosy questions that in any other circumstance would be rude to ask. Asking a pregnant woman how much weight she has gained, or asking the mom or a toddler why he or she is so small are just two of the inappropriate questions that make new mothers grimace.
And it only gets worse as the children get older. Parents compare athletic prowess, academic achievement and even popularity. Nothing is off the table.
So what topics should you avoid?
Here are some of the questions that I was hit with during my three children's journey from nursery school to graduation. Often caught off guard by prying acquaintances and strangers, I rarely came up with a clever response at the time and usually ended up spilling the beans and divulging something I didn't want to broadcast.
Be prepared and be a good friend. Here's the list of my top questions not to ask and definitelynot to answer.
(To the parents of a 4 year-old)
Q. Will you be holding your child back or sending him/her to kindergarten next year?
(To the parents of elementary school kids)
Q. Is your son/daughter trying out for travel soccer (baseball, or basketball) as the case may be – followed up with the question that strikes even more dread, Did your child make the team?
Q. Do you dress her in those same pants everyday or does she insist on wearing them?
(To the parents of sixth graders:)
Q. Did your son/daughter get in to advanced or honors math?
(To the parents of seventh graders)
Q. Is your son/daughter invited to so and so's Bar or Bat Mitzvah this weekend?
(Here's one I got from a pushy friend on the train whom I did not intend to invite to my daughter's bat mitzvah)
Q. Tell me the date of your upcoming Bat Mitzvah so I can mark it on my calendar.
(To the parents of high school students – the questions grow more intense!)
Q.Is your son/daughter going to be in Civ Ed?
Q. Was your son asked to the St. Vincent's dance?
Q. What did your son/daughter score on the SAT's or ACT's?
Q. Which SAT II's is your child taking?
Q. Is your son/daughter applying early decision to college?
Q. So – where is your son/daughter applying to college?
Q. Has you son/daughter gotten in anywhere yet?
And even graduating college does not stop the questions .... they want to know:
Q. Does your child have a job yet?
Q. Is your child 'off the payroll? Living at home?
Q. Are your kids "seeing" anyone? Engaged?
Q. When is your son/daughter having a baby?
Pretty soon your kids will start getting these same questions about their own children and the cycle will begin again.
What questions do you dodge? Share them in the comments section below:
Class of 2014 Gets it Right
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As senior class advisors Kendra Claussen and Oren Iospovici noted, there was little drama surrounding the graduation of the class of 2014 and very few bumps along the way for this congenial class during their progression through four years at the high school. ... no drunken homecoming dance, stairwell gridlock or pranks before Junior Olypics to mark their passage. This class seemed to have done it right and enjoyed four years of exploration, education and fun, making the most of their time at Scarsdale High School.
Even the weather was perfect for the commencement ceremony on Friday June 27 at Dean Field –fair skies and manageable temperatures obviated the need for the ambulances which two years ago carried fainting observers from the stands during a heat wave.
The cooperative class of 356 students convened at the gym at 9 am for their last photo opp before lining up in alphabetical order to parade across the span of SHS and onto Dean Field where they were greeted by parents, grandparents, teachers and administrators.
After "Pomp and Circumstance" from the high school band, School Board President Suzanne Seiden thanked the parents for "getting students into these seats today," and told the graduating seniors that they have made lifelong friends with classmates who will share their joys and sorrows in the years to come. She encouraged the students to relish and preserve these relationships with their fellow students as well as teachers, deans and coaches. Telling the students they have "learned how to learn" she encouraged the to be engaged citizens, to demonstrate "non sibi", to care deeply about the lives and others and last to seize each and everyday.
This graduation marked retiring Superintendent Michael McGill's last in Scarsdale and he gave his farewell remarks, providing insight into his own educational path and providing some sage advice to the graduates.
We learned that McGill's father was a dean at SHS while he was growing up in Chappaqua. Despite his father's passion for education, it was not until 11th grade that McGill became excited about school when an English teacher changed his life and helped him make sense of the world. Ultimately this passion for education led McGill to follow his father into the family business, education. He told the SHS students that they had received an education that is "second to none," and lamented the fact that many in the U.S. do not have the same opportunity. He urged the class to help others in the U.S. to receive great educations, saying, "How else will we make the promise of democracy real? How will you change the world?
He then provided some more personal parting words of wisdom to the young audience:
He said:
-Persevere in finding love, as love endures.-Endure calamity and emerge stronger from the experience
-You don't need to have an answer to every problem
-Let things come to you; serendipity can yield pleasant surprises
-Kiss your parents and tell them you love them (which brought tears to the eyes of many in the audience.)
He ended by telling the departing seniors to "go the distance, take it one game at a time, believe in yourself and remember that the game ain't over till it's over. You are the shining class of 2014. You are Scarsdale. Much is expected of you. Go forth, be good people and make the world a better place."
Class Advisor Kendra Claussen and Oren Iosepovici said it was difficult to be funny when things had run so smoothly. After pausing for a "selfie" with Dr. McGill they reminisced about Jr. Olympics, the carnival, the senior class play and four years of an outstanding experience for the class the advisors.
Class Vice President Julia Feldstein thanked the faculty and staff for "supporting us, educating us and teaching us independence," and parents who "shared the journey" and passed on their "values, work ethic and passion." Class President Chris D'Silva claimed that "We are the best class the school has had in the visible past and the foreseeable future." He boasted that clubs exploded with activity and there was "never a boring school day." He said, "we connected as a community," and remembered two classmates who passed away, Tyler Madoff and Allana Calder saying "we all felt a sense of loss .... They are truly missed." (The class remembered Madoff by pinning blue ribbons to their graduatio robes.) D'Silva encouraged his classmates to "keep what we have built – to never forget the relationships and what we have learned." He ended by saying "Together we changed the school, now we can change much more."
Principal Kenneth Bonamo recalled radio personality Casey Kasem the man behind "The American Top 40 show" where he played and counted down the top songs on the radio. Bonamo sent out a pre-emptive "long distance dedication" to the class of 2014 telling that that "we have prepared you well enough that you might succeed." Echoing Kasem's signature sign-off after he played the #1 song he said, "Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars." He advised the class to "honor your past as you seek your future."
With that, Dr. McGill and Principal Bonamo certified the class of 2014 and they filed forth to receive their diplomas. After 356 students shook hands with the principal, were photographed in front of the flag, everyone returned to their seats to toss their hats aloft. The ceremony went off without a hitch – just like the class of 2014's four years at SHS. Hats off to you.
If you have a photo of your grad you would like to add to the photo gallery, please email it to scarsdalecomments@gmail.com.
LWVS Sends Two SHS Students to Albany
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The League of Women Voters of Scarsdale sent SHS Sophomore Matthew Drescher and Junior Daniel Wasserman to the Students Inside Albany conference as part of its youth outreach program in May.
Students Inside Albany is an intensive four-day conference designed to immerse students in the process by which public policy is proposed, revised and enacted in New York State and to educate them as to how they can influence and affect this process. The cost of the conference, including hotel and meals, is borne by the League of Women Voters New York State Education Foundation, Inc. and our Scarsdale League.
One of the highlights for the students was spending an afternoon with Assemblywoman Amy Paulin from our Assembly district. Daniel Wasserman, who was familiar with Assemblywoman Paulin's policies and reputation prior to this conference, said "it was truly a privilege to meet with her and watch her in action on the Assembly floor." Matthew Drescher reported that he "loved every minute of the conference, meeting all the new people who shared common interests with me, and learning about a common issue we are all passionate about: school... and especially school funding." The students enjoyed meeting other high school students from around the state as they learned about lobbying and how State government affects teens personally.
Students interested in applying to attend the 2015 Students Inside Albany Conference should go to LWVS.org next fall to get details. Application eligibility includes sophomore, junior and senior students who attend Scarsdale High School or who reside in the school district.
Child Safety, First and Always
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As the parents of two very young children, my wife and I often size up up how to keep our kids safe....s ometimes, perhaps too much, but our concerns are almost always justified.
Bike Helmets: While driving in our car locally from Post Road onto Mamaroneck Road we were astounded to see a young girl (no more than 10-years old) riding her bike downhill towards the intersection next to a crowd of aggressive cars, without wearing a helmet! Her father and another young girl appeared just after her, not a helmet in sight.
According to Helmets.org, New York State requires all bike riders under the age of 14 to wear a helmet.
In the neighboring Town of Greenburgh (including Edgemont and Hartsdale), they've taken the issue even further by requiring all bike riders to wear a helmet no matter their age, while in the Town of Eastchester helmets are required for all bike riders under 19.
In Greenburgh you may have even observed street signs that advertise the local law, yet in the Village of Scarsdale there's no public effort to build awareness for wearing a helmet. The only place in Scarsdale we've observed helmet mandates was once on the Bronx River Parkway when it was opened for bike riding, and only at a checkpoint where a Westchester County Police Officer was present.
If you've got a kid with a bicycle, or even just a scooter, get a helmet and make sure they always wear it when riding.
Child-Safe Windows: We just made quick friends with our new neighbors; they've got kids, we've got kids, so we went next door for a party.
I trailed my 3-year old inside as he bolted upstairs to follow the noise of kiddie chatter so he could get in on the action. While downstairs I (neurotically) locked their front screen door. On the second floor of their house I immediately observed open windows everywhere, completely accessible to the children. I immediately started closing windows.
It's been 23 years since the musician Eric Clapton lost his son Conor, who had fallen out of and apartment window. A two-story house might not be as tall, but all it takes is one fall.
We have a variety of child safety locks installed throughout our home's windows, specifically on the second floor, ranging from inexpensive locks you can buy at Home Depot or online, to more custom "chain door-guards" that limit the range on windows that require winding a handle to swing open. We also remove all winding handles when not in use to prevent our kids from accessing those windows.
Additionally, if you've got a home alarm system, it can be helpful to add secondary magnet strips to all sliding windows so they can remain slightly opened while appearing "closed" to the alarm system, this way when a slightly-opened window is opened even more, the alarm will sound. In our house, when a window or door is opened, we know.
If you've got kids in your house, get child safety locks installed on every window and use them, and if you're in a house without them, don't take your eyes off of your kids.
Electricity: The other day I heard a scream from another room and ran in to find my and our son, who had just gotten electrocuted. Luckily our kid's science experiment was short-lived as the circuit breaker cut the power from an extension cord we had forgotten under our bed — I only discovered the power was out later when, downstairs, I found our refrigerator wasn't on.
My mother likes to joke that when I was a kid, I stuck a key in an electrical outlet and got shot across the room. While that's probably an exaggeration, some argue I'm still recovering.
If you've got little kids you need to put safety covers in all open electrical outlets, and make sure all accessible extension cords are covered as well.
Street Access: The NY Post recently reported that on Father's Day, 6-year old Tess Burstein, was accidentally hit and killed by a car in Watermill, NY, while crossing the street — without adult supervision. Our hearts and prayers go out to the family in grieving, and we should also take this moment to pledge not to let our young children have access to any street without supervision.
No matter how calm or quiet a road may seem, it is not safe for little children.
Does your young child play in your backyard? Do they have access to the street out front or neighboring properties? Consider installing a fence or gate to keep them safe.
Sharp Objects, Cleaning Products and Medications: We have a beautiful set of butcher knives that had always sat in a block on our kitchen counter — but no more. Now that our son has the ability to reach the counter, those knives have been moved to higher ground.
We've also installed child safety locks on kitchen cabinets where we store hazardous cleaning products, and have moved all bottles of medications to higher shelves. Hire a handyman or just do it yourself, these are easy projects that you should not put off.
We also have gates to close-off access to rooms and stairs, but as our older son has now gotten tall enough to scale the fence, we've taken the time to install keyed-locks on desk drawers to keep him out of the things he shouldn't have access to.
It doesn't end: We just retired our changing table for our 10-month old. A few weeks ago while I was changing his diaper, he squirmed out of my grip and then fell chin-first into the table's wooden frame and bit his tongue open with his first two teeth. Now I change him on our bed. I noticed at his daycare they use a much larger changing table that is cushioned from corner-to-corner and lacks any hard material that could harm a baby.
A good friend who's got kids a decade ahead of ours likes to remind me that as they get bigger so shall the problems. I'm sure he's right. But with a couple of fearless babies in our house we've got to be ever-vigilant in protecting them now, and it's not easy — they always seem to find the weakest link, but it's our job to keep trying.
Take child safety seriously!
This article was contributed by concerned Greenacres dad Jamie Kayam.
Junior League Announce Volunteer Service Awards
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The Junior League of Central Westchester (the "JLCW") has announced the winners of their Volunteer Service Awards, granted to female high school juniors who have demonstrated an exemplary commitment to volunteerism within their community and/or school. Due to the large number of strong applicants that the JLCW received this year, two categories of winners were created: monetary awards and recognition awards.
These winners are more than volunteers; they are visionaries, dreamers and leaders. After observing community problems, these young women acted quickly to make real and lasting positive change. Highlights from the volunteer work of our six recipients are:
Monetary Awards:
Alisa Choubay from White Plains High School volunteers with the Westchester County Youth Council where she leads in promoting civic engagement among local youth. Additionally, she serves as a Youth Judge and manages some court proceedings at the White Plains Youth Court, an alternatives-to-incarceration program that adjudicates misdemeanor cases involving juveniles.
Rachel Underweiser from Scarsdale High School created a weekly after-school theater program at P.S. 75 in New York City for students grades 3-5 when she learned that their arts funding was cut. Leading the weekly drama class she educates the young girls on leadership skills and self-esteem as they create their own sense of community and trust. In addition, she created the Red Cross Club at Scarsdale High School, raising money and taking action to help people in local disasters, and is a Civic Education Advisor.
Kaitlin Cardon from White Plains High School started and leads Girl Talk in White Plains, a chapter of the national organization in which high school girls mentor middle school girls with a focus on empowering girls to handle the myriad of problems young women face. She also volunteers with St. Bernard's Youth Group and the Westchester Coalition for Drug and Alcohol Free Youth.
Recognition Awards:
Morgan Rappe from Edgemont High School established the "Edgemont Students Supporting our Military" club. With a huge membership base, they fundraise and send care packages and letters to show appreciation for our troops abroad. Their club also donates to The Wounded Warrior Project and The Fisher House Foundation, and the members volunteer at local VA hospitals. She is also a Peer Leader and student advocate.
Claire Teahan from Eastchester High School created The Eagle Impact program using the school mascot to unite athletes' sense of teamwork with community service. The program established food drives at athletic games and collected letters to soldiers from their athletes. In addition, the program recruited a team of athletes to volunteer as coaches for a special needs after-school athletic program at one of their elementary schools and led a fundraising campaign to purchase team apparel for the special needs golf team.
Melissa Preudhomme from White Plains High School is President of Midnight Run Club at White Plains, an organization that goes into Manhattan monthly providing food and clothes to the homeless. She also organized a Midnight Run Sleep Out, in which 20 students slept outside in cardboard boxes and raised money for a local food pantry and shelter. In addition, she volunteers with the student General Organization.
