Coping with Anxiety

This article was contributed by Psychologist William Golden who is a member of the Westchester County Psychological Association:
We live in a time where there are many things that can scare us. Every day, we and our children are faced with stress, fears and worries. Some of the stressors are the day to day challenges such as those from work and school. But we are also bombarded on a daily basis by the media about threats from terrorists such as ISIS and diseases like Ebola. There is no escaping the stream of information flowing through the radio, TV and the internet that is guaranteed to scare even the bravest of us. There is also no way of insulating our children from the information that creeps into their consciousness through their smart phones and social media. What are we to do about all of this information overload? How can we cope with the anxiety that is produced by world events and the stresses of everyday life? There has been a great deal of progress made in the field of psychology on our understanding of stress and anxiety. There are now a number of psychological techniques that have been developed for treating anxiety.

First let's start with defining and identifying anxiety. Fear and worry cause anxiety. Anxiety is the emotional reaction that we experience when we perceive a threat or danger. The threat can be real, such as disease or terrorists. However the danger can be magnified such as a fear of getting Ebola from using a public bathroom. The threat can also be coming from within our own minds, such as a perceived threat to one's self-esteem as a result of losing a job or failing a test.

A good way to start to work on your fears and worries is to identify them. Worry is usually in the form of "What if?" An example of worry would be "what if I lose my job." Fear, on the other hand, tends to be more specific. An example of fear would be "I'll get Ebola from using a public bathroom." One way of dealing with fear and worry is through a reality check. Question the fear or worry. Is there any evidence that I am going to lose my job? What is the probability that I'll lose my job? You also can question the threat to your self-esteem. You don't become worthless as a result of losing your job or failing a test. You can only feel worthless if you believe you are worthless. You can question the logic of your thinking. Would you view your best friend as worthless if he or she became unemployed? Probably not, so why not treat yourself at least as well as you would treat a friend. Be kind to yourself. When you don't have to be afraid of you condemning yourself for mistakes and failures, then mistakes and failures become less scary. Ironically when you are less anxious about how you will do on the job or how you will do in school, then your mind is better focused, your concentration is better and you usually do better work, perform better on tests and in sports.

Another way of coping with anxiety is through problem solving. Problem solving involves 5 steps:

1) First identify the worry and define the problem - so for example, "What do I do if I lose my job?"
2) Next, "brainstorm" possible solutions to the problem – For example, "I could start looking for a job now, I could start working on my resume, I could start to network, I could start an online business, I could talk to a recruiter now, I could go for career counseling, I could collect unemployment, I could negotiate a termination package, etc.
3) Weigh the pros and cons of each alternative – Think about the advantages and disadvantages of each option, the possible consequences to yourself and to significant others and possible outcomes, as well as the likelihood of success of each alternative.
4) Select the best alternative or the best combination of alternatives - You don't have to select only one option. Frequently a combination of approaches will yield the best results.
5) Implement the action plan that you have developed. If unsuccessful, instead of giving up, renew your problem solving by starting to redefine the problem and brainstorm again. You probably will have new information and may be able to identify some new alternatives. Don't be afraid to ask other people you know and trust for their ideas. Sometimes another person can see an alternative that you missed.

You can even use a reality check to cope with anxiety about real physical dangers, such as a fear of terrorism and illness especially if the threat is based on misinformation. So what is the real risk of getting Ebola from using a bathroom or from being on the bus or train. You do not have to be an expert to do the reality check on worries about illnesses. Legitimate information is available. I am not a medical expert on Ebola, but I have listened to what the experts have said and written. Ebola is not airborne. You can only get it through direct contact with bodily fluids. So, we should have rational concern about using public bathrooms and wash our hands, instead of avoiding public bathrooms and public transportation out of fear. Avoidance is an attempt to run away from the threat or danger. The problem with avoidance is that it only gives you temporary relief, and in the long run, only makes matters worse, especially if the threat is based on misinformation or irrationality.

So what can we do to help our children cope with fear and anxiety? You might start by having them read this article, or share the information in it with them. Another good starting point is to encourage them to communicate their fears and anxieties. Just telling them to not worry is usually not helpful. Reality checks are different. A reality check involves accurate information and guidance. Problem solve with them. If there is a real problem what can they do about it? Teach them, and yourself, to be more self-accepting. We all make mistakes and we all risk failure in the process of pursuing success. We can learn from our mistakes and our failures. Less anxiety comes with greater self-acceptance.

There is a great deal more that can be said about coping with anxiety. For example there are relaxation and stress-management techniques that are very effective in reducing fear and anxiety. In this article, my intention was to introduce the reader to some of the basic tools for coping with anxiety. If further information about psychological services, or if professional help is needed, you can utilize the referral service of the Westchester County Psychological Association (WCPA). WCPA is an organization that is committed to furthering the development of psychology as a science and as a profession, in addition to safeguarding the interests of the public.

Disclaimer: Although Dr. Golden is a board member of the Westchester County Psychological Association (WCPA), the views in this article are his and not the views of WCPA.