Finding the Perfect Sitter

Though we'd all love the perfect babysitter to fly into our homes on an umbrella like Mary Poppins, finding one is not that easy. Moms often ask me where to find a good babysitter ... one that's available, on time, nice, neat, fun, cooks, nutritious meals, is a gentle disciplinarian and charges a reasonable rate. They want to know what questions to ask at the interview, what the going rate is in Scarsdale and if they're lucky enough to find a good sitter should they share their name with friends. So as the mom of two young kids who's often looking for help, here is what I have learned:

Resources for finding babysitters: The Scarsdale Y.E.S. (Youth Employment Services) office might be a good place for some to start if you're looking for a high school aged sitter. The Y.E.S. office allows you to place an ad for free and students looking for jobs can access the ads and contact you if they are interested. Both Iona College and Sarah Lawrence College offer parents the ability to list a babysitting job. Craigslist, Care.com and Sitter City allow for online searching for childcare; the latter two charge a search fee. Word of mouth is, of course, an option, although some people don't like to share babysitters (see more on this below). One Scarsdale mom of two kids with a third on the way said, "It can be challenging finding someone with interest, warmth, and free time." She has had successes finding sitters through her neighbors as well as care.com.

What to ask at the interview: A good rule of thumb is to phone screen all applicants before inviting them to come to the house to meet you and your children. Once the sitter gets to the house for the in-person interview, it's best to reserve that time to observe how they interact with the children. If you phone screen ahead of time, you can weed out the sitters who don't seem qualified. For example, I asked one potential sitter "What do you like about babysitting?" and got this reply --"Ummmmmm, ummmmmmmm, I dunno. I guess I think it's like a really easy way to make money." Needless to say, I told her I'd be in touch if I was interested (which I was not,) and saved myself from having her meet the kids. Some questions that could help you ascertain whether it's worth having someone come in for a face-to-face meeting are:

• What do you like about babysitting?
• What was your worst moment babysitting and how did you resolve it?
• How many years have you been working with children?
• How old were the children you babysat?
• Do you have your own transportation?
• Do you smoke?
• Do you know First Aid and CPR for infants/children?
• What would you do with the kids for a few hours during the day to make it fun?
• What do you think is the best way to handle tantrums? Discipline?
• Do you have references? (If the answer is yes, and if you're potentially interested in using this person as a sitter, it may be a good idea to check with the references before setting up a time to have the babysitter come to the house. )
• For infants: Do you have experience in bathing/feeding/diapering children?
Do you know about SIDS and how to prevent it? Are you familiar with Shaken Baby Syndrome? Do you know the proper size for baby chewables and how to prevent choking?

Last, if you have a set price you're willing to pay a babysitter, it's best to figure this out on the phone before they come meet your kids. If you are hoping to pay a high school student $10 an hour and he/she wants $15 an hour, there's no point in moving further along unless one or both of you are willing to budge with the price.

Great Expectations: Make sure you're clear about what you expect: Some moms feel that a babysitter should just babysit the kids; play, keep them safe, feed them if required, and get them to sleep at night. Other moms think a babysitter should be responsible for cleaning up toys and the kitchen if they made a meal. One Scarsdale mom cautioned, "I always set the expectations ahead of time so as not to be disappointed at the end of the night. If I ask the sitter to clean up the playroom after playing in it and do the kids dishes from dinner, then I expect that to be done- especially if the kids go to sleep and the sitter has down time."

Compensation: The million dollar (or twenty dollar, or ten dollar) question: How much do I pay a babysitter? Well, this is up for debate. In Scarsdale, the going rate for a high school babysitter is between $10-$12 an hour and some people even pay up to $15 an hour. One local mom who has four kids said, "I pay high school students $10 an hour to babysit my kids. The kids are usually asleep for a portion of the time and they're getting $10 cash an hour to watch TV. An ice cream store or a clothing store would pay minimum wage ($8 an hour) on the books and they'd have to commit to a schedule ahead of time. I feel the amount I pay is appropriate for what the job is and they can turn it down if they don't want it." Another mom told me that her son, a senior in high school, charges $10 an hour and she won't let him charge more than that because she thinks it's a fair amount for him to earn and the employer to pay. This question comes up on the Facebook page for Scarsdale Moms frequently and the range is always between $10-15. College-age sitters usually get $12-$18 an hour, and adult/post graduate sitters get anywhere from $15-$20 an hour, in general.

Should the amount depend on the number of kids or their behavior? Again, that's up for debate. One mom I spoke with said her kids are very difficult so she pays sitters a higher rate to get them to come back, whereas another mother said, "My kids are easy to babysit and they see a sitter as a treat. I do admit that I pay on the lower end but I also think it's a very easy job and a great way to make a nice chunk of cash for very little true 'work'." The majority of the moms I spoke with don't pay different amounts for more or less kids.

To share or not to share: Sharing a babysitter is a nice thing to do. If you're not using your regular sitter and a mom at preschool drop off mentions that she is desperate for one, should you offer a phone number? It sounds like a win-win, but several moms brought up issues with sitter-sharing. "It is really annoying when you share the name of your sitter with someone only to find out that they're paying her $20 an hour instead of the $15 you pay; then your babysitter comes back to you asking for more or becomes 'unavailable' because she's babysitting for the other family for more money." You may be able to get around this by politely requesting that the other family pay the same amount if you share her name, but that can only be controlled so much.

Another issue can arise if the person does not think of the sitter referral as a "one time offer" and starts using your sitter regularly, making her unavailable to you. Although it's "fair" in theory if the other person booked her first, it might still be irksome if you can't book your babysitter because she's down the street at your neighbor's again. If you're the one asking for a sitter referral, you can avoid this awkward interaction by proactively asking what your friend pays the sitter and sticking to that amount; likewise, if you like the sitter and want to continue using her, it would be good etiquette to check with the person who referred her to see if it's okay to use her for additional babysitting.

Have you had problems like this? Do you have other resources that would help parents find great babysitters? Talk about it in the comments below!