The Holidays- Fun or Frustrating?

This was submitted by Dr. Ilana Rosenberg of Scarsdale Psychology Associates

Many people love getting together with family for the holidays. Many people want to leave the table screaming. It can be tough to connect with family members who may have different political views, have caused you hurt or trauma, or that you just don't like.

Here's a tip to help you get through with sanity and grace:

Most Generous Interpretation

Dr. Becky talks about finding the most generous interpretations of children's behaviors. I think she's right. It's important to understand that both children and adults are trying to do the best they can with the resources they have available to them.

People survey their environment and respond to internal and external triggers to create safety for themselves. Even adults are dealing with younger parts of themselves that may come out when getting together with family.

Say your obnoxious cousin or aunt is at Thanksgiving and loudly voices a political opinion that you find abhorrent.

Or say you spent the week prepping for the meal, shopping and cooking and your mom mentions that the turkey is dry, or has a negative look on her face.

If you take it personally, you’ll feel badly and it could ruin your day.

Instead of thinking: what’s wrong with that person? Try asking: what happened to that person?

If you can see beyond the person’s mask, you can see their obnoxious comment as a defense they’re using to protect themselves and you can understand how this defense gets in the way of their being at ease in the world. Replacing judgment with compassion, can help you see the goodness at their core.

Applying the most generous interpretation of another person’s behavior won’t just help the other person feel better. It will make your holiday more enjoyable!

Ilana D. Rosenberg, Ph.D. is the founder of Scarsdale Psychology Associates (SPA). She believes that developing self compassion is a game changer in life, and that the chemistry of the match between you and your therapist is what helps make therapy so powerful. SPA has therapists who are warm and compassionate, so that you feel cared for every step of the way.
www.ScarsdalePsychologyAssociates.com 914-901 3520