Helping Middle and High School Kids Adjust to the New School Year
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- Written by Dr. Karen Bergsman
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The beginning of the school year has begun and you find yourself approaching the season with joyous anticipation (you can finally have lunch with your friends, get back to the gym, catch up at work, finish your spring cleaning, etc.) while at the same time experiencing a sense of gnawing trepidation. The kids are back at school! Everyoneʼs happy, right? Well...
Starting a new school year is an exciting endeavor for your middle school and/or high school child. Because your child in this age group is experiencing rapid changes in physical, emotional, social, and cognitive development, it can also be a time filled with more turbulence than previous stages of development. Kids at this stage are trying to figure out how they fit into their environment. Simultaneously, they are adjusting to dramatic body changes, hormonal shifts, and significant academic challenges and expectations. How can we help them and keep our sanity?
The goal is to help kids become self-reliant and develop a positive sense of themselves. Our task is to provide them with a framework and tools to develop the social and organizational skills they need to succeed in many situations. Not an easy mission, since we ourselves are struggling to adjust to our "new" maturing child and are often overwhelmed by the challenges presented to us. As parents, we are in a learning stage and trying to figure out a balance of when to step in and when itʼs time to let kids work things out themselves. The most important task for us as parents is to stay connected to what is going on in our childʼs life as well as to be effective in setting limits and making expectations clear.
School is not only a place for kids to learn academic skills, but it is also the main arena for kids to develop social competence. We can help children of all ages develop the skills to approach new people and initiate conversations.
Remind them that they can connect to new people by:
- Asking an open ended question such as, "What are your ideas about the science project?" or "How do you like your
teachers this year?" - Complimenting someone on something, such as "I like your backpack, itʼs so colorful" or "You are a great basketball player".
- Making a statement about something, such as "The Spanish teacher is so nice" or "I canʼt wait to go on the school trip".
Adjusting to Middle School
Children in middle school are dealing with significant body changes and there is a focus on appearance and trying to fit in with the crowd. Mood and behavior changes are observed. At the beginning of a new school year, tweens often worry about not fitting in, peer pressure, bullying, and the increased work load.
How you can help:
- At this age, there is a sense of security that comes with fitting in with the larger group. Kids may worry about their clothes, accessories, hair, etc. No one wants to stand out. Buy some age appropriate items and clothes that many of the kids have at this age.
- Have discussions about peer pressure at the beginning of the school year. Bring up situations that could arise and explore their take on various responses. Preparation can help kids feel more confident when situations arise. Share with your kids some challenges you experienced at that age.
- Normalize your childrenʼs fears about academic workloads and encourage them to prepare a work space for themselves. Help them get organized by buying a calendar to keep track of assignments and talk about time management. Have a routine for homework and make sure that kids still have time for fun.
- Although schools educate children about bullying, parents should review strategies about managing harassment. Also, teach your child to look confident and review the importance of telling someone if bullying occurs.
Adjusting to High School
Kids in this age group are particularly concerned about friendships and dating as well as increased academic expectations. Teens are likely to be very self- absorbed as they explore new relationships and behaviors. As teens begin to experiment with increased independence from the family, reliance on the peer group becomes more important. Some teens have difficulty transitioning from the carefree summer days to the more organized routine of school.
How you can help:
- Encourage teens to stay connected to you by being interested in their experiences and by teaching them that making mistakes is expected and can be a learning experience. Many teens shut down communication with parents when they feel they will not be understood. Let them know that you are available to listen and assist when they ask for your help.
- Motivate your teen to have a positive outlook on school and the learning process. Focus on the joys of learning about different topics and the satisfaction that comes from challenging oneʼs mind and being productive.
- Allow teens incremental freedom and the ability to make independent decisions regarding school and social life. Teens still need structure and guidance from parents with decision making; however, this is the time to encourage problem solving and making choices. Let them know what your expectations are regarding their behavior, but step back more than when they were younger.
- Encourage teens to join clubs or sports so they can meet people with similar interests. This validates that school can be a place where your teen can feel comfortable and have some fun. It also enhances social interaction.
- Make time for family activities. Although many teens focus on their social group, spending time with parents and siblings helps teens recognize the importance of the family for guidance, support, and enjoyment.
In summary, the beginning of the school year is something parents and children can plan for together. The above recommendations are just the tip of the iceberg. Educate yourself by reading books, attending parenting lectures, taking part in school functions, and talking to other parents so that you can prepare yourself for this exciting time and help everyone make a good adjustment to the new year.
Dr. Karen Bergsman is a licensed psychologist who has a private practice in Scarsdale and Manhattan. She specializes in cognitive-behavior therapy with school aged children, adolescents, and adults. Dr. Bergsman can be reached at 914-730-9208 or 212-592-4059.
Halloween 2013: The Bucket List
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Who doesn't love Halloween? There's the pumpkins, the candy corn, the decorations, the candy corn, kids in adorable costumes, the candy corn... We've looked high and low to find the 10 best Halloween-related events in our area for you and your goblins. And, for those truly adventurous, we've included information on the grande dame of all parties – the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade, which was canceled last year due to Super Storm Sandy. So start planning as October is right around the corner.
As a side note: If you are headed to the Bronx, go early enough in the day and look around for street parking (especially on Sunday) and skip the paid parking lots. Don't forget Arthur Avenue for Italian specialties (www.arthuravenuebronx.com) is right down the road with its great pizza stores and pastry shops. Last, call ahead to verify times and admission costs to avoid disappointment.
New York Botanical Gardens
What: Halloween Fun
When: September 21-October 31
Where/Website: 2900 Southern Boulevard, Bronx (718) 817-8779; www.nybg.org
Prices: Depending on when you go, prices for adults start at about $20.
Just down the road, the NYBG has enough programs to keep even a witch happy all day including Haunted Pumpkin Garden activities, Ugh! Bugs & Creepy Creatures of Halloween, Pumpkin Carver's Studio, Gone Batty! Live Bat Encounter, Scarecrow Weekend, and Spooky Nighttime Adventures.
Special events include:
Giant Pumpkin Carving Weekend
October 19 and 20; 10 am - 6 pm
Clay Family Picnic Pavilions
Giant pumpkins from around the world, expected to weigh in at more than 1,800 pounds each, will be on display at the Garden. Arranged in collaboration with the Great Pumpkin Commonwealth, the recognized standard of weights, measurements, and fairness of competition, these winners of global pumpkin weigh-offs will be transformed by Master Carver Ray Villafane of Food Network fame.
Q&A with the Master Carvers and Growers
October 19 and 20; 12:00 noon, 1:00 pm, 2:00 pm, 3:00 pm, and 4:00 pm
Master carvers share how they came up with their creative ideas to transform the giant pumpkins into works of art before your eyes and the growers of these giants tell of the unique techniques used to get them so big. This is your time to ask these artists and farmers any questions you might have.
MasterCard Budding Masters Creepy Pumpkin Carving Workshop
October 19, 9:30 am–12:00 noon
Kids will get up-close and personal with some of the biggest pumpkins in the world during this hands-on pumpkin carving workshop. For more information and to purchase tickets, visit MasterCard's Priceless New York (www.priceless.com)
The Bronx Zoo
What: Boo at the Zoo: Dragons and Dinos
When: Weekends October 5-November 3
Where/Website: 2300 Southern Boulevard, Bronx (718) 220-5100; www.bronxzoo.com/boo/
Prices: Buy your tickets online for the most savings. Prices range from $28.95 for adults to $18.95 for children and include unlimited access to Dinosaur Safari ride, 4-D Theater, Bug Carousel, Congo Gorilla Forest, JungleWorld, Butterfly Garden, Zoo Shuttle and Wild Asia Monorail.
A New York holiday tradition. October weekends are chock full of events including Dinosaur Safari, 3-D Carved Pumpkin Demonstrations, Costume Parade, Musical Theater: Beasts of the Magical World, Hay Maze, Live Music, Animal-themed Magic Shows, Creepy Crafts, and the Extinct Animal Graveyard.
Van Cortland Manor *****Top Pick****
What: The Great Jack O'Lantern Blaze
When: October 5-6, 11-14, 17-20, 24-31, November 1-3, 8-11
Where/Website: 525 S Riverside, Croton-on-Hudson; www.hudsonvalley.org
Prices: Tickets must be purchased on line: Adults, $16, Children 3-17, $12; (Saturdays $20, $16).
See more than 5,000 individually hand-carved, illuminated jack o'lanterns in this elaborate walk-through experience. Brand new at Blaze 2013: Art of the Pumpkin. This exhibit of pumpkin-inspired sculpture features work by 25 area artists. This event sells out early each year, so if you are interested, buy your tickets as soon as you are ready to commit to going.
Old Dutch Church
What: Reading of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
When: October 5-6, 11-13, 18-20, 25-27, November 1-2
Where/Website: parking for this event is at Philipsburg Manor at 381 N Broadway, Sleepy Hollow; www.hudsonvalley.org
Prices: On line ticket prices start at $16.00
Held at the Old Dutch Church, the oldest church in New York State, built in 1685 by the lord of Philipsburg Manor. Master storyteller Jonathan Kruk offers a dramatic performance of Washington Irving's classic tale, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, written in 1819, complete with organ music and props.
Philipsburg Manor
What: Horseman's Hollow
When: October 5-6, 11-13, 18-20, 25-27, November 1-2
Where/Website: 381 N Broadway, Sleepy Hollow; www.hudsonvalley.org
Prices: You must buy tickets on line. Prices range from $16 for adults to $7 for children
From the website, "Philipsburg Manor transforms into a terrifying landscape ruled by the undead, the evil, and the insane. Visitors begin walking a haunted trail, stumbling upon scary scenes of a town driven mad by the Headless Horseman. The Hollow's unfortunate inhabitants are all too ready to keep visitors from ever leaving. Creatures, human and otherwise, lurk in the shadows, ready to terrify the unsuspecting while incredible special effects disorient and unsettle. Elaborate costumes and the work of award-wining feature-film makeup artists make it all too real."
Scarsdale Recreation Events
Register for all events on line at http://reconline.scarsdale.com
What: Costume Parade and Halloween Fun
When: October 31
Where: Starts and ends at Chase Park; Line-up will begin at 3:30 pm. Parade will start at 3:45 pm
Price: Free
What: Halloween Window Painting Contest
When: October 20 from 9:00 am - 4:00 pm
Where: Various locations around Scarsdale
Price: $14 for individuals; $20 for double
What: Parent/Child Halloween Window Painting
When: October 20 from 9:00 am-4:00 pm
Where: Various locations around Scarsdale
Price: $20 per entry
What: Scarecrow Festival
When: October 12 at 10:00 am and 2:30 pm
Where: Pool Parking Lot on Mamaroneck Road
Price: Free; advanced registration is essential as space is limited
Weinberg Nature Center
What: Bat & Owl Prowl
When: October 25, 6:00 pm-9:00 pm
Where/Website: 455 Mamaroneck Road, Scarsdale (914)722-1289; or http://www.weinbergnaturecenter.org
Price: $6.00 per person/children under 2 free
This annual evening event includes a Kiddie Costume Contest (everyone wins), "Creature of the Night" live animal presentation, "Star-Gazing for Kids" night hike into the woods (bring flashlights), Make a Mask, snacks, games and crafts.
Rye Nature Center
What: Ghost Stories by the Campfire
When: October 26, 6:00 pm
Where/Website: 873 Boston Post Road, Rye (914) 967-5150; www.ryenaturecenter.org
Price: Members free; non-members $10
Bring a flashlight, hot dogs and your courage. Listen to stories and poems about Westchester's haunted forests, houses, and caves. Marshmallows provided.
Greenburgh Nature Center
Registration information at www.greenburghnaturecenter.org
What: Fall Festival
When: October 20 11:00 am-3:00 pm
Address: 99 Dromore Road, Scarsdale; (914) 723-3470
Scarecrow building and pumpkin carving or painting, cider making, petting zoo, scavenger hunts, tractor rides and more.
What: Scarecrows and Pumpkins Parade
When: October 27 11:00 am-3:00 pm
Address: 99 Dromore Road, Scarsdale; (914) 723-3470
A fun Halloween event for young children. Follow friendly scarecrows along our pumpkin trail; meet storybook characters along the way. Come in costume and enjoy cider and treats, tattoos and more.
Greenwich Village, New York City
What: The 40th Annual Village Halloween Parade;
When: October 31 at 7:00 pm
Where/Website: On 6th Avenue from Spring Street to 16th Street; http://www.halloween-nyc.com/
Price: Free
Lineup begins at 6:30 pm and the parade runs until 9:00 pm. Only costumed marchers are allowed. Don't miss the most wildly creative, largest public participatory event in the greatest city in the world!
Organizing Your Children and Yourself for a Successful School Year
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- Written by Jocelyn Kenner
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School is back in session and children everywhere are settling into a new academic year with enthusiasm and hope. Start the school year off right by establishing a routine that will ease household tension and prevent mishaps like forgotten lunches and homework. Below are organizing suggestions from professional organizer and Scarsdale resident Jocelyn Kenner to keep the positive momentum going and the school year running smoothly.
Night Before Preparation
Do as much as you can the night before to set-up for the next school day. The following suggestions help mornings run smoothly and reduce last minute conflicts and panic.
1. Part of your child's nightly homework routine should include packing his backpack with everything he needs for the next school day (i.e. completed homework, permission slip, gym uniform, extra pencils, etc.) I call this making the backpack "grab and go ready!"
2. Pack lunches the night before
3. Check the weather for the next day and lay out appropriate clothes. Some young children enjoy dressing an invisible twin on their bedroom floor with the clothes all laid out in the shape of a child.
4. Review the next day's schedule with your family (i.e. Jason has a piano lesson, Diana has dance class, mom has an evening meeting). Talking through theses upcoming events keeps family members connected and informed, and eases anxiety.
Launch Pad
With your child designate an easy to reach location that's on the way out the door as your family "launch pad". The launch pad is the spot where ALL things needed for the next day are placed (i.e. "grab and go ready" backpack, violin for lesson, baseball glove for practice, etc.) Be consistent with the location of your "launch pad" so family members can count on this spot for placing and finding their important items.
Family Calendar
Document everyone's schedule and appointments on one visible calendar. Keep the calendar in a central location so all family members can view it easily. Assign each family member a color to enhance visual cues and write their appointments in that color (Jason is blue, Diana is purple, mom is green, etc.)
School Supply Center
Keep extra school supplies well stocked in ONE location for easy access so children can independently refill pencil cases, backpacks, or find supplies for completing homework assignments, projects, and reports. Some supplies to keep on hand are: #2 pencils, pens, highlighters, notebook paper, post-it notes, pocket folders, ruler, scissor, stapler, 3-hole punch, markers, tape, poster board, erasers, correction fluid, and report covers.
Jocelyn is a member of NAPO (National Association of Professional Organizers) and ICD (Institute for Challenging Disorganization). Jocelyn has been helping Westchester residents organize their homes for the past six years. A former elementary school teacher, Jocelyn is skilled at identifying her clients needs and implementing personalized, useful, and painless ways to manage the contents of their homes. Click here to check out her website. Jocelyn lives in Scarsdale, NY with her husband, two children, and three cats.
Getting Your ZZZ's
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- Written by Brenda Boatswain, Ph.D.,CGP
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Sleep is an issue that's on many people's minds, whether you are young or old. Last year during a visit to Haiti, our tour guide told us that insomnia was a major problem there as parents worried about how to feed their children and children worried about when their next meal would come. We may not have such worries, but there may be other issues keeping us awake at night. We are well aware that middle and high school students stay up late finishing homework, studying, or using social media. Adults are up late with projects for work, activities of family life, social media, or in some cases, stress and worry.
My daughter's high school teacher gave students a contract for both parents and students to sign. As part of that contract she encouraged students to get a good night's rest and noted that a teenager needed nine and one- quarter hours of sleep each night. This was wonderful for me to read and sign as I often reminded my daughter of the importance of a good night's sleep. Nine and one- quarter hours may seem like a luxury to many of us. Nevertheless, we need to determine the number of hours we need to feel well rested in the morning. If you are not feeling well rested in the morning try adding an extra hour of sleep each night to determine your optimal number of sleep hours. Why such a focus on sleep? Adequate sleep contributes to better attention and memory, better mood, better immune system, less fatigue, heart health, and resilience to stress.
To help you get better ZZZs here are some tips.
Create a calm environment. Create a calm sleep environment for sleep by keeping your bedroom dark, quiet, and at a moderate temperature. Turn off the T.V., computer, laptop, cell phone, iPad, chrome book, facebook.
Calm your brain with mental exercises. Distracting yourself from your stress and worries can be enough to help you fall asleep. Mental exercises help your brain focus less on your worries. One exercise can be thinking of fruits and vegetables that begin with a certain letter of the alphabet. Another exercise is to focus on the details of a particular object; focus on its color, shape, size and what it's used for. Or you can recite words from a favorite poem or song.
Mind what you eat and drink. Processed sugar, alcohol, and caffeine affect your brain and the rest of your body in ways that can contribute to anxiety. They should not be a significant part of your diet. Eliminating them from your diet may feel similar to drug withdrawal. However, over a short period of time, you will be surprised at the difference you feel in your body.
Mind your medication. It would be wise to review all of your medications, including over the counter products to see if they may be contributing to poor sleep. Avoid sleep medications and use of over the counter cold and allergy medicines to help you sleep. The chemicals in these products affect your sleep cycle, and ability to fall asleep naturally. Consult your physician about the use of melatonin, even though it's a natural supplement, as individual results vary.
Focus on cultivating an attitude of gratitude. If you lie in bed worrying, try to think of some positive things. You can think of things for which you are grateful, including good memories, happy events, and humorous occasions.
Practice relaxation exercises. Relaxation exercises are very helpful in reducing anxiety and racing thoughts. Exercises to try include progressive muscle relaxation (focusing on each major muscle group and tensing and relaxing it) and breathing deeply from the diaphragm. There are apps for your smart phone that you can get to help with these relaxation exercises. Look for one that suits use. A quiet time of prayer and reading from a religious text may also be calming.
Participate in exercise or physical activity. Exercising helps with sleep. Exercise helps to manage depression and anxiety. Exercise can be stimulating for some, so if that's you be sure you exercise a few hours before bedtime.
Keep calm and sleep on.
Dr. Brenda Boatswain is a local licensed Psychologist and Certified Group Psychotherapist who has been practicing with a holistic approach for over twenty years; integrating mind-body-spirit research and techniques for optimal health and well being. She is unavailable between the hours of 11pm and 6am.
Mathnasium Announces 3rd Annual TriMathalon Contest
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Students in lower Westchester are invited to test their math skills while raising funds for local schools with every correct answer. Mathnasium's 3rd Annual TriMathlon contest will be taking place locally at Mathnasium of Scarsdale, 747 White Plains Road, Scarsdale, New York on Saturday, October 19, 2013. The nationwide math competition is open to students in 2nd through 5th grade, in public private, or home school. Registration begins on September 3, 2013 and participation is free. The event is designed to show kids that math can be fun. Children at all levels of math ability are invited to participate. In addition to winning trophies, all students who participate this year will earn money for local schools with every correct answer. Plus, the winner at each grade level will be entered into the national TriMathlon, with the chance to earn even larger school donations.
"The Mathnasium TriMathlon represents a wonderful opportunity for kids to have fun, test their math skills, and earn money for local schools. It demonstrates that math can be fun, and at the same time provides a way for the students to give back to their community, which is a wonderful lesson for kids at this age. In the Mathnasium TriMathlon, every child is a winner!" said Shane Bland, Center Director of the Mathnasium of Scarsdale franchise.
The TriMathlon consists of three events:
- Magic Squares, where students are awarded points for developing their own math problems.
- The Counting Game, which tests students' ability to count from any number, to any number, by any number.
- Mental Math Workout, which asks students to solve problems without a pencil and paper in order to show off their "number sense."
Students do not need to be enrolled in a Mathnasium center to participate. Prep materials, including a practice test, are available on the Mathnasium TriMathlon website where students can also register.
Participants will have money donated to local schools for every correct answer on the TriMathlon test either through the website DonorsChoice.org, which allows schools to select whatever they need with donations accruing toward those items, or via direct donations. Mathnasium is targeting an aggregate nationwide donation of approximately $27,000, which includes the national prizes.
The first place winners at each grade level will be invited to move on to the national TriMathlon, where the national champions will be determined based on their local test scores. If needed, tiebreaker tests will be held at the winners' local Mathnasium locations the weekend following the event. Prizes of $1,000, $500 and $250 will be awarded to local schools on behalf of the 1st, 2nd and 3rd place winners at each grade level. All participants will receive a free downloadable math game from Lakeshore Learning Materials (retail value $19.99) along with other potential prizes and certificates of participation. National winners will receive Lakeshore gift cards.
For more information on the Mathnasium TriMathlon for students in lower Westchester and surrounding areas, please contact Mathnasium of Scarsdale at 914.725.MATH (6284), or [email protected]. For more information about Mathnasium of Scarsdale please visit www.mathnasium.com/scarsdale.
About Mathnasium
Mathnasium, the nation's leading math-only learning center franchise, specializes in teaching kids math in a way that makes sense to them. Students go to Mathnasium year-round to catch up, keep up, and get ahead in math. The proprietary Mathnasium MethodTM is the result of 40+ years of hands-on instruction and research.
