Attention Mothers: Recognize the Subtle Ways Your Children Appreciate and Reward You Everyday
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- Written by Karen Bergsman and Michelle Sanders
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Mother's Day is almost upon us. This is a special day for mothers and mother figures of all kinds, such as grandmothers, special aunts, close family friends and caregivers. Some look forward to the day with much anticipation and high expectations for the perfect "Hallmark" holiday. For some families, the day is marked by large bouquets of flowers, breakfast in bed, sparkling jewels or a day at the spa. While most women would agree that these things are wonderful, it's easy to feel disappointed if the day doesn't meet one's expectations.
Let's not forget that Mother's Day is only one day of the year, but being a mom is often "celebrated" in small ways that we usually don't recognize. Although many of us often feel unappreciated and overworked, if we allow ourselves to take a moment and reflect upon our daily lives, we will notice that children show their love and appreciation not by grand gestures, but in small unassuming ways. A smile from your son when you remember to buy his favorite cereal, the sparkle in your daughter's eyes when you say yes to a sleepover, a thank you from your teenager when you trust him to borrow the car, or a nod of thanks when your child asks your advice about a problem with a friend. These moments demonstrate that our children appreciate us in subtle ways we sometimes don't realize. When your children ask you to play or spend time with them, they are inviting you into their world, which is really what being a mother is all about.
Although baubles and bubble baths are terrifically indulgent, nothing beats the feeling a mother gets when a child asks how they can help a homeless person, clean up the environment, or assist in the community. When we see our children demonstrate kindness, compassion and good moral values, we feel as if we've done our job.
It's also important to remember that high self-esteem and feelings of adequacy about our role as "Mom" need to come from within. It's not good to rely exclusively on external validation. Self-esteem comes from the positive messages we give ourselves. Remember, we don't have to strive for perfection as mothers. By doing so, we will inevitably feel disappointed. In fact, research indicates that being "good enough" is actually essential to raising healthy and resilient children. Pediatrician, clinician and child psychoanalyst, Dr. Donald Winnicott studied mother-child interactions for decades and proposed that it is not necessary for mothers to meet the needs of their children at all times. In fact, "good enough mothering" enables children to deal with disappointment and frustration and develop good coping skills.
If you don't get the day at the spa or that sought after necklace on Mother's Day, don't be disappointed because appreciation comes in many subtle and surprising ways. It's up to us to recognize the "gifts" we receive from our children everyday. Remember, you are "good enough" just the way you are!
Licensed psychologists Dr. Karen Bergsman and Dr. Michelle Sanders are known as "Dr. Moms New York." They practice at 455 Central Park Avenue Scarsdale. Call them at 914-730-9208 to register for a free parenting seminar on Tuesday, May 14th from 10:00 am to 11:30am.
Birthday Party Guide: For Tots to Adults
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It's party season – and whether you're looking to celebrate the big day for a toddler, tween, teen or a friend who's all grown-up, here are some novel ways to mark the big day: Sports, spa, swimming, yoga, candy and the chance to solve a mystery in your own home – are all below. Check these out:
Mystery & Mayhem Adventures has Who-Done-Its and will travel anywhere, anytime to concoct a mystery 
tailored specifically for your child. Your home becomes the site of a dastardly crime, a riveting mystery appropriate to your child's age group. Created by professional actress and teacher, Judy Rosenblatt, these special versions of villainy (some of which include characters from Nancy Drew, Harry Potter and Sherlock Holmes) excite and engross your kids, aged 8 – 18. We offer a repertoire of tales as captivating as Sherlock Holmes at his best. Your Mystery & Mayhem adventure begins as your costumed guests - the suspects, the sleuths or – God-forbid! – the victim - together with our antic team of seasoned actors, create a swirl of frantic action and riveting improvisation your child will not soon forget. As one young birthday boy exclaimed, "It's like Clue but better!" Hailed by Quest Magazine as "THE BEST OF NEW YORK" we've been stimulating and delighting the inner sleuths and thespians of kids since 1988, and are now excited about bringing our parties to Scarsdale. And for the littler ones, we offer tailor-made treasures hunts, fortune-telling, acting and make-a-play parties. You can investigate our website, mysteryandmayhem.com, or call us at 212-260-2295 for a free brochure, to book a party, or to see what parents and kids are saying about Mystery and Mayhem.
Every child dreams of having their own candy store ...Imagine Candy turns the dream into reality. For children's birthdays at Imagine Candy's Scarsdale shop, we transform the store to match your child's vision. Designed to celebrate and say Happy Birthday from the moment that the child reaches the front door. Once inside balloons and all accessories are orchestrated to match the child's favorite colors and themes. In keeping with the "imagine" in Imagine Candy, activities revolve around candy, chocolate and using the imagination. It is fun, sweet and memorable. Children go home with numerous mementos' .... lunch or dinner is served. Allow our Candy Concierge to assist you in designing that perfect in-store party... Children's Birthdays, Sweet Sixteen's, Family Gatherings and Wine and Chocolate Pairings (for adults only). Our traveling Candy Buffets, Favors and Center Pieces can be customized to make your Bar/Bat Mitzvah, Wedding, Dinner Party or Business Event absolutely fabulous! Call us for more details ... 914.723.7887 or stop in ... Imagine Candy - 22 Harwood Court, Scarsdale 10583.
An Eve Milan™ Spa Party is every little girl's dream and is a excellent birthday idea or addition to any Bat 
Mitzvah; Transforming your party from great to absolutely fabulous. The birthday girl and her guests are pampered from head to toe with a menu of mini spa treatments. Choose from hair and nail stations, facial and massage stations or go all out and have them all. Turn your spa party into a pre glam fashion show or an afternoon tea extravaganza, the possibilities are endless. Standard and customized packages are available. Call Eden Gilliam, (914) 441-8300, email [email protected] or click here to visit our site.
LIFE The Place To Be, Westchester's ultimate party destination. 29,000 square feet of fun and excitement, featuring Arcade/Video games, Rock climbing, Laser Tag, Mini Bowling, Huge Soft Play Structure and more! LIFE's Birthday Party Packages are all inclusive. Make LIFE simple, Let LIFE do it all! www.lifetheplacetobe.com.
Birthday parties at Chelsea Piers Conneticut are action-packed, entertaining and hassle-free. We help plan the party, provide the space, supervise the activities, serve the food and clean up afterward. Available activities include baseball, basketball, batting cages, gymnastics, rock climbing, ice skating, soccer, swimming, tennis, water slides and more. Two-hour party packages are available Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. For 
children's parties, packages include dynamic coaching and world-class facilities, as well as balloons, paper goods and candles. Packages are also available that include pizza, beverages, invitations, party favors, cake and catering services. Phone - 203.989.1004, Email - [email protected] or click here.
The House of Sports is Westchester's premier party location. We handle everything from start to finish so you can sit back and watch your child have the time of his/her life! We can customize any birthday party to the sports theme of your likeness in our climate controlled, state-of-the-art facility. Give us call today at 914-479-5419.
Book your birthday party at Kids' B.A.S.E. Choose from carnival parties, karaoke rock parties, tea cups & tutus, Gigi's Musical Adventures, or sports themes. The $410 fee covers up to 24 children. Maximum number of children is 30 per party. To make a reservation or for more information please call 914-472-5409.
The YWCA is the perfect place to hold a birthday party or a family gathering. At the YWCA, you and your guests can enjoy a memorable hassle-free afternoon. Make it a swim party at the YWCA with two rental options. Whole-pool and half-pool parties at the YWCA's six-lane heated pool are available on Saturdays and Sundays. Celebrate your child's birthday party at the YWCA 8,000-square-foot, air-conditioned gymnasium with spring floor, trampoline, BAB system and 40-foot Tumble-Track. The YWCA gymnastics program values safety while providing fun opportunities for children of all ages. The party rentals include one hour of gym or pool time and 30 minutes in the party room for cake, refreshments, and gifts. For more information, please contact the Aquatics Department at (914) 949-6227 x140 or the Gymnastics Department at (914) 949-6227 x125.
Scarsdale Yoga Studios: Our yoga parties aren't just for the little ones...we throw the best yoga bashes for all ages, including Adult themed parties! Older kids may consider a Yoga Boot Camp theme, Balancing or Back Bending theme, or just a great yoga workout that's challenging, fun and entertaining. Yoga Games, too!
Relax...our professional staff will be there to handle everything.
www.scarsdaleyogastudios.com, 914-874-5555, 7 Popham Road, Scarsdale, NY.
Kol Ami Kids Celebrate Israel's Birthday and UJA of Scarsdale Feeds the Hungry
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Energy and enthusiasm were in the air at Congregation Kol Ami's Early Childhood Program on Tuesday April 16th when the children took a "virtual" trip to Israel to commemorate the 65th Birthday of the State of Israel. The celebration of Israel's birth, or Yom Ha'Azmaut, is the date Israel was established formally as a state and the Declaration of Independence which was signed in Tel Aviv.
The "Trip to Israel" was a multi-sensory experience and children moved from room to room at the congregation. The first stop was to have their "passports" stamped. Then they took an airplane ride complete with a brief in flight film about Israel followed by visits to a variety of booths all related to Israel. They had the chance to ride a camel, make stained glass, experience a mud bath or find artifacts in a simulated archeological dig. Several children spent time sitting on the beach under an umbrella as they would in the resort area of Eilat. They also explored pita making, orange juice squeezing or grape pressing.
"Our childhood educational experience is designed to give children the opportunity to learn that they are part of the larger world," said Director, Nan Blank, "Creating a sense of pride in ones identity is a cornerstone of our values."
Congregation Kol Ami is a reform synagogue located in White Plains, New York. The Early Childhood Program is fully licensed by the Office for Children and Family Services and head teachers hold master degrees in education and early childhood. Sharing and caring for others is a key principal that is interwoven into the curriculum, as well as celebrating Jewish Holidays and participating in Mitzvah projects.
For more information visit www.nykolami.org
UJA-Federation of Scarsdale Feed the Hungry
Twenty-five women and children from UJA-Federation of New York's Scarsdale Women's Philanthropy came together to make sandwiches for clients of the Bronx Jewish Community Council (BJCC), a UJA-Federation beneficiary agency.
In addition to sandwich making, the kids also decorated cookies in honor of Yom HaAtzma'ut, Israel's Independence Day. BJCC's food pantry, which serves anyone in need, is the third largest in the borough, distributing more than 2,400 food packages monthly, with demand increasing each year. More and more homebound, isolated residents look to the agency for social programs, community resources, and information on benefits and entitlement eligibility.
Last year, the financial support of the Scarsdale Women's Philanthropy provided a refrigeration system for the food pantry at BJCC's new facility on Cruger Avenue. The project will allow those who visit only once or twice a week to get fresh food, such as produce, meat, dairy, and eggs. This year, the Scarsdale Women's Philanthropy's Share a Mitzvah project has the goal of raising $50,000 to finish critical renovations in the new space.
"The money raised last year provided incentive to further expand the scope of what BJCC can offer, including a place for its older clients in the Bronx to socialize, receive a variety of support, and enjoy a hot meal," explains Stacey Weil of Scarsdale, who leads the project. "We're working to make sure that the most vulnerable receive the support they need to live a dignified, full life."
Carnival Fun at Scarsdale High School
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The 2013 Scarsdale High School Carnival on April 19-20 was a bittersweet event for School Government Advisor Neil Ginsberg. He has been organizing the event for years with the help of school and class government officers. This year was his last as he as announced his retirement effective June, 2013.
Ginsberg reports that "we must be living right" because the rain held off and the show went on for both Friday night and Saturday afternoon. He says, "People seemed to have a great deal of fun and joy was in the air. It was a great feeling of community." He estimates that 2,000 – 2,500 attended and that approximately $17,000 was raised to be donated to various charities. Perhaps the biggest hit at the carnival was the Pharaoh ride, though from the pictures the roller coaster looked like a thrill as well.
Junior Class Representative Madison Bell-Rosof said, “The carnival this year was one of the best yet! The junior class raised money for prom by signing up to grill on Friday and Saturday. Everyone did their part, which was great because our hotdogs and burgers were in high demand. Besides the delicious food, I would say that our biggest success was bringing everyone's favorite ride, the zipper, back! Between all of the fun rides, the baked goods from the high school clubs, and the chance to dunk your favorite government reps in the dunk tank, it seemed like everyone had a great time.
Junior Class President Solange Azor also enjoyed the carnival. She said, “The carnival was definitely a success this year, as it usually is. The weather was gorgeous, we had a huge crowd and we even ended up extending the carnival on Saturday to 7 pm from 6pm as planned. There were no major problems or disturbances. We raised lots of money for charity and everyone had a good time.”
Ginsberg wished to thank "The School Government officers - especially Jacob Cannon -- as he was the organizer, plus the others who sold tickets; the group of young women who helped set up the club booths and scanned tickets; the students from around 50 school clubs, and the many teachers who chaperoned and advised clubs as well as the administrators for being there and always willing and ready to help." He added, "This is quite a place and I've been very lucky to have such great kids as students and officers and to work with such talented, professional colleagues."
Check out these beautiful carnival photos taken by Scarsdale High School Senior Becky Schwartz.
A Brush with Fame - My Meeting with the Iron Lady
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For reasons I cannot explain beyond the anglophilic enchantment occasioned by my abiding JAMES BOND STUPOR, I recently decided to watch THE IRON LADY for the first time. I had no idea it was so heartbreaking. Meryl Streep is astonishing in this role. I love the way historical events are woven in to the story of Thatcher's personal life and ascension to the world stage. But (politics aside), to see the (then) most powerful woman in the western world's decline and her Churchillian "nevah give up" spirit as she fought to defy and deny that inexorable decline, was devastating.
When my family lived in London in 2003, I went to the same, small, family medical practice as the Iron Lady. I discovered this one day when I was seated in the waiting room with my ailing 8-month-old baby on my lap. Twin rivulets of green goo surged from both of his nostrils each time he exhaled, as if in some sort of bacterial race to the finish. Not surprisingly, the seat next to us was unoccupied.
Tired of absentmindedly entertaining myself by secretly handicapping the mucus race each outing, and tired of cleaning it up, I looked to see a new person enter the room and thought "Wow, that looks EXACTLY like Maggie Thatcher!" At first, she was alone. I dismissed the thought, figuring "probably every dowager of a certain age in Belgravia has that hairdo and one of those suits. Thatcher must be a fashion trendsetter among the "smart" septuagenarians in the Knightsbridge crowd, and this gran is one of her Robert Palmer girl knockoffs"
But then, in a split second, four enormously burly men in suits trailed in behind her with eyes darting from side to side. Every Englishman in the room instantly scrambled to grab any reading material within reach and began to busily feign reading something, -- a newspaper or magazine ... anything to avoid the horror of eye contact with A FAMOUS PERSON. Some papers were even grabbed in such haste they were upside down! I was the ONLY one in the room who actually looked at the former Prime Minister, and as she scanned the place for a seat, I smiled at her. She beamed appreciatively and plopped down right next to us, chatting me and my baby up for the next forty-five minutes as we waited for our doctors. (YES SHE HAD TO WAIT TOO!!!)
What followed was one of the most fascinating and puzzling conversations of my life--3 parts small talk, 1 part politics/work-life balance. At times, just when I thought she was an elderly person who seemed to be losing it, she became incredibly lucid, and every bit the wily powerhouse I expected her to be. I asked her about how she balanced child-rearing duties with her rather high profile career ("Norland nannies are the best!"), and then I eased in to soliciting her opinion on Britain's purported role (by many resentful Brits) as "Bush's lap dog" in the war in Afghanistan we had just begun. She was bobbing and weaving like an old pro, artfully ducking a reporter's questions...
And then, suddenly, a different look came over her face and she seemed to slip back into the "dotty old lady" role again. She smiled broadly at us, as if we were old friends she'd spotted from across a great expanse of distance and time, and, switching gears seamlessly, she tenderly picked up my baby's foot ...."JOSHUA" she called out at a volume that had stood her in good stead in her many parliamentary debates, "The kingdom is yours!", she declared. She seemed to be shouting down an opponent at the same time as addressing both my son's green rivulets and his tiny foot, now nestled in her hand: "My tiny good man, the KINGDOM is yours!!!" At that moment, her doctor with the multiply-hyphenated terribly, terribly English name strode grandly into the room, putting on a show for the rest of the crowd... for anyone who might not have been aware of his A-list patient.
"BARONESS!!!" he summoned her...loudly..."Please come with me!!", and she was off....
When I saw the scene of "M.T" being checked out in the doctor's office in THE IRON LADY, all I could think was..."Where's the adorable baby with the sinus infection??"
Contributor Sharon Dizenhuz is a former reporter and anchor on New York 1 News and a Scarsdale mom.
