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Published: 21 April 2010

Created: 21 April 2010

Last Updated: 22 April 2010

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A full auditorium of Scarsdale parents gathered on April 19 to hear Rachel Dretzin, producer of Growing up Online and Digital Nation, speak about the profound effects of technology on the human experience. Dretzin said the parents in the audience would be the last generation to remember what it was like to live without computers. In fact, technology is changing so rapidly that Dretzin could chronicle changes in parents concerns from 2007 to 2010. She noted the evolution of parents’ reaction to the Internet and new technologies, saying that in 2007, parents’ main concerns were digital predators. But today, most children are well aware of the dangers of meeting people online and the majority will avoid contact, by email, phone or in-person with those they meet online. Though there are still children at risk, she noted that most kids who get themselves into trouble on the Internet tend to be children who have problems in other areas of their lives. Dretzin argued that the Internet only amplifies issues already at play.

She then turned to the “daily bread” of growing up online for the majority of children. The Internet is changing the way children learn, process information and engage with others. She has found that science is in its infancy when evaluating the effects of technology on the way we learn and act. But one thing is for sure – everyone is more distracted by phones, blackberries, instant messaging and email. As a result, she feels it is important that parents carve out time where screens are put away to foster human contact. A recent study found that children complain about their own parents’ preoccupation with computers and phones and Dretzin suggests that as parents we set an example by focusing on children when they speak and looking kids straight in the face.

What is the impact of our myriad distractions? Are we successful at multi-tasking and juggling? Dretzin went to MIT to find out, where she spoke with professors and students about the effect of laptops in the lecture hall and the change in student study habits. Professors were vying for student attention in class, competing with instant messaging, and Google searches. According to Sherry Turkle, clinical psychologist and Director of the MIT Initiative on Technology and Self, kids need more and more stimulation due to the overload of information that surrounds them. In order to capture the audience in a class, professors have to come up with dazzling presentations that can outshine the laptop on the student’s desk.

A study of multi tasking was done at Stanford University, which showed that students were significantly slower at completing tasks when juggling several tasks at once. Though people think they can effectively multi-task, in reality they are not giving their undivided attention to any one area. When jumping from one task to the next, they had a sense of accomplishment but much fell through the cracks. Clifford Nass, who lead the study said, "It turns out that multi-taskers are terrible at every aspect of multi-tasking. They're terrible at ignoring irrelevant information; they're terrible at keeping information in their head nicely and neatly organized; and they're terrible at switching from one task to another." He added, "we worry that it (multi-tasking) may be creating people who are unable to think well and clearly.”

To combat distraction, Dretzin suggested that parents designate times where all technology is put away to give children time to reflect and relate. She bans all screens at mealtime and is attempting to extend the ban on technology to the Sabbath. She also recommended sitting with children who are composing or answering emails to point out how their words might be interpreted. Without feedback from the respondent, children may not realize the impact of their messages.

However, she cautioned against assuming that all technology is bad. The internet has extraordinary potential; information and answers are readily available and technology facilitates collaborative work. Even video games can be educational and we should not let our generational bias prevent us from embracing new advances. Are books necessarily better that information read online? New teaching and learning methodologies will develop in the 21st century and though we have lost some things in this massive shift, we have clearly gained as well.

As a mother of three school age children, Dretzin was able to develop an immediate rapport with Scarsdale parents and offer keen insights on parenting in a time of rapid change. You can watch the documentary Digital Nation which is streamed online here.

The program was sponsored by the Scarsdale PT Council

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Published: 03 May 2010

Created: 03 May 2010

Last Updated: 03 May 2010

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I find men fascinating. This is not something my husband has to worry about. It isn’t that I want to meet more of them; I’m just interested in them kind of like Jane Goodall is interested in chimps.  Unlike Jane, however, my study of the species is unscientific, unquantitative, and unobjective. Nonetheless, I have reached what I think is an irrefutable conclusion: Men are far superior to women in sustaining important emotional attachments.

Wha-at? Yes, indeed, and here is the evidence that proves my point.

Women have strict requirements when it comes to bestowing their affections, but none of these barriers gets in the way of men. Start, for example, with the biggest obstacle women impose on relationships – they seem to think it is important to fall in love with other human beings. Men are far more open-minded. They become passionate about abstractions. I’m not talking here about the founding fathers and abstractions like life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I’m talking about the average guy who is head over heels in love with a Team. Pick any sport, pick any country, and it’s the same thing over and over again.

This all became clear recently when, for our grandson’s tenth birthday, my husband and I took him to see a baseball game. It was bobble-head day at the stadium, meaning that if one stood in a ridiculously long line, one could obtain a free bobble-head of the home team third baseman. As we walked past the thousands of (mostly) men inching their ways forward, I found myself hoping that there is a huge secondary market in bobble-heads, that these guys have customers lined up on EBay and Craig’s List to sell this junk to, and that by reselling bobble-heads they are at long last able to make their mortgage payments. In my (femaie) point of view, there would then be a purpose behind this otherwise nonsensical waste of time.

But, clearly, there can’t be enough secondary market bobble-head buyers to provide an economic rationale for this behavior. These guys were standing on the line not for profit, but for Team Love.

Team Love falls way outside the experience of most women. Team Love is abstract, unrequited, unidirectional, and impersonal in the extreme. Team Love is pure and selfless love.

And therein lives another obstacle that women face in forming relationships. Once the female of the species passes early adolescence and evolves beyond a one-way attachment to teen idols, she tends to require that the person she chooses to love actually knows that she exists. In a word, women make demands upon their loved ones. That just ain’t so with Team Love. Those who experience Team Love fall for other people who don’t have a clue that their would-be Lovers are alive. I grant you that guys on the diamond, the rink, the court, or the field, may feel energized by the roar of the crowd, but that doesn’t mean they know or care one whit about their Lovers. Who among us can know, much less love, 35,000 screaming lunatics? Who would even want to? Yet not being known to or loved back by the Team is absolutely irrelevant to the stomping, chanting Lover in the stands wearing a jersey with some other guy’s name on his back.

Here’s another restraint females adhere to in relationships. Putting aside hook ups and self-delusional crushes, women tend to think it is a good idea to have relationships with particular individuals with specific identifiable attributes. Some women like good bodies, some fall for big brains, some go for fat wallets.
The Team Lover, on the other hand, is able to uncouple his emotions from any human characteristics that his love object may possess. The archetypical fan – say a guy from Providence -- loves the Red Sox. He loves them in his teens, twenties, thirties, forties, etc, etc. The faces on the team are forever changing, but the lover’s passion is steady. Loving a team amounts to loving a concept.

I’m just not that open-minded. If a stranger showed up one day in my husband’s suit, I couldn’t transfer my affection to the new guy without missing a beat.
But, hey, not so the Team Lover, who feels emotion based entirely on clothing. Dress a complete unknown in the right jersey and the Team Lover is hopelessly devoted. On the other hand, however, when the once-adored goalie, center forward, shortstop, or right end changes his uniform, the guy becomes a traitor, a creep, and a bum.

There’s yet another way in which Team Love surpasses women’s love. Women can’t share and Team Lovers can. A woman will despise another person if the two of them happen to have a passion for the same love object. Team Love is the opposite. Lovers who love the Team also love each other. In fact, they feel a sense of community. There’s a reason they call it Red Sox Nation.

Finally, the aspirational models of monogamy and family impose constrictions upon women’s love. Societal norms press women into having one love object at a time, with a few children thrown in for good measure. Team Lovers are omniamorous. They are able to love more than one Team at a time, when they are lucky enough that post-season play extends into the next Team’s pre-season schedule. They love their Teams, fellow Team Lovers, and non-Team Lovers, so long as the latter group is merely neutral and not aligned with some other Team.

And this all describes my husband, which is why I am so sure of my conclusions. Unlike me, he loves selflessly and purely, never making a demand, asking for notice, or wavering in his devotion. He is loyal under the most adverse circumstances, and cares little about human foibles in his loved ones. He is openhearted and forgiving. He never gives up on his love, no matter how little evidence there is that it is deserved.

He is the perfect Red Sox fan.

Stacey Brodsky has practiced law, been a stay-at-home mother, and taught middle school English over the course of the 17 years she has lived in Scarsdale with her husband, daughters, and a succession of dogs.

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Published: 12 April 2010

Created: 12 April 2010

Last Updated: 12 April 2010

Hits: 7756

Two experienced area teachers have launched Sociable Kidz LLC to help children ages 5-15 to navigate friendship, problem-solving and communications skills. Based in Mamaroneck, the teachers will hold sessions of 3-5 students after school and on Saturday mornings. Through role-playing, social stories, hands-on-activities and games, the teacher’s will work with students to teach them how to successfully manage many of the difficult situations they encounter. In addition, weekly parent support groups will be held to review the social skills taught to the children. Included in the eight-week sessions are free initial consultations with each family and the child.

Teachers Susan Hendler and Monica Weber together have 28 years of experience working with children. Hendler holds a masters degree in Curriculum and Instruction from the University of Illinois and Weber has her Masters in Special Education and Early Childhood Education.

For more information, email sociablekidz@sociablekidz.com visit www.sociablekidz.com or call (914) 374-5024.