Ten Tips To Promote Cheerful Compliance From Your Child

Parents constantly ask me how they can get their children to do what they are asked, without making a fuss. I want even more! I want our children to do what they have to do with a great attitude and without having to be asked. I hope you find these tips helpful

1. 1. Who is in charge around here? You! You are the parent. You make the decisions and what you say goes. You can be a loving, supportive parent who listens actively to what your child has to say, but you are still the parent and the proverbial buck stops with you.
2. Before you give your child an instruction, think about it for a minute. Is it important? Does your child have the ability to do it? If so, speak in a firm, polite voice that communicates your confidence in your child's willingness and ability to attend to the task at hand.
3. When your child does as asked, give a sincere thank you that let's your child know how pleased you are.
4. If your child does not do as asked, consider the element of surprise. Say nothing but decide upon a consequence that you are confident you can act upon without anger.
5. Maintain a calm, even disposition no matter what is going on. Do not react. Behave in a way that feels right for you, but keep your mood and emotions in check at all times.
6. Make it feel good for your child to do the right thing. Focus five times as much attention on what your child does right than on what they do wrong. Praise loudly, sincerely, with full eye contact and focus. Conversely, negative behavior deserves as little attention as possible.
7. Treat your child with true respect. Motivate and encourage instead of lecturing and scolding. In every situation, allow your child the gift of doing what he can and should do independently. Hold the bar high and motivate your child to reach it. Let him know that you believe he can achieve what is asked of him, but that you are available to help him along every step of the way.
8. Help your child develop his self worth by focusing on his acceptance, belonging, and his competence. Make sure your child understands that he has your full acceptance, that he belongs as an active member of your family at all times, and that he has the competence to do what is expected of him.
9. When you have a quiet minute, ask yourself how you might be contributing to your child's behavior problems. For example, are you engaging in unnecessary arguments, making mountains out of molehills, or so absorbed with a problem at home or at work that you are less "present" than your child needs you to be? Be honest with yourself and make changes as you see fit.
10. Every day we have numerous opportunities to share our unconditional love and acceptance with our children. Pick one action every day to demonstrate the true depth of your love and respect for your child, and you will be amazed at the incredible change in your child's behavior

Elizabeth Pflaum lives with her husband and four children in Westchester, New York and provides individual parent coaching to clients and their families. She offers parenting classes and workshops throughout the tri-state area, is a frequent guest parenting expert on WABC’s Eyewitness News and other television shows and writes articles about all topics relating to parenting and childhood. For more information, visit her website at http://www.aaapparentcoach.com