Reflections on Becoming an Empty Nester

September marks new beginnings for parents.

Some walk their child to kindergarten to begin the adventure of elementary school. Others send their kids out the door to catch the bus for their first day of middle school. Parents of high school seniors wave goodbye as their new drivers head off alone to school for the first time.

But for parents of college freshmen, September signifies something bigger — the end of one era and the beginning of another. The kids aren’t just going to school; they’re moving out. There’s nothing quite like dropping your child off at a dorm room to make time feel suddenly fleeting.

After the initial shock of returning to an empty house, most parents slowly settle into a new rhythm. The days feel quieter, but along with the wistfulness comes an unexpected sense of freedom — a new chapter of their own.

We asked a few newly minted empty nesters to share their reflections on this transition. Here’s what they had to say:

Flexibility

I love that my time is my time. I can get to work early or leave late. I love planning outings with my husband to sporting events, museums, and concerts - we did this before being an empty nester, but we can plan at the last minute and that feels great. And as a bonus, when I tidy up my house (or not), everything is where I left it! And honestly, I've been thinking a lot about that phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder." It does. It makes the visit when the kids come home from school that much sweeter - I appreciate them differently and I think they feel similarly.

State of Gratitude

Becoming an empty nester for the first time is full of contradictions. It feels strange and quiet, but it’s also gratifying to know our kids are happy, thriving, and out in the world where they should be. The house feels too big, but week by week we’re slowly expanding into it. And on the plus side, the house has never been so clean, with no mysterious dishes in random places, and when something gets put away, it actually stays put away! I think it helps that my husband and I genuinely enjoy each other’s company; we haven’t had this much uninterrupted time together in 20 years. Plus we’re still surprisingly busy with school visits, vacations, and their periodic calls—sometimes it feels like we talk with our kids more now than we did when they lived at home! It feels like I have different emotions about everything daily, but overall I’m just trying to stay in a state of gratitude. That seems to be the key.

A Clean House

While I do miss my kids we facetime at once a day. I do really like being on my own schedule and not having my day revolve around their activities. My house has never been cleaner. My grocery bill is tiny and I barely do laundry and dishes. The house does feel a little empty though. I am hoping to start some projects and maybe learn mahjong.

Reframing the Relationship

The anticipation of living in an empty nest was profoundly sad but also thought-provoking. I imagined our home as a quiet echo-chamber rather than the once frenetically paced world filled with competing activities. My mind was full of nostalgic thoughts of that former bustling home and all the trips and outings we took as a foursome. When you have young children, you imagine all the wonderful things they will do in the future as they gain knowledge and confidence. The time for imagining is over as the future is here. Entering this new phase with all the unknowns prompted an array of new questions. One of the biggest questions was, “is my parenting job complete?” Has the guidance and nurturing provided over the last few decades run its course? How do I define myself in this new phase? What would it look like to revisit my husband and our partnership as a twosome? What are we going to do together? Will I find joy in my daily life without the purpose of raising our children?

Two months into this new lifestyle, many of those uncertain thoughts are beginning to take shape. Although I miss seeing my children every day, without question, there is still a lot of parenting to do. One of my children needs a weekly scheduled check-in to make sure all is well and to hear the latest accomplishments. The other child still checks-in almost daily and does not mind my ongoing texts to stay connected. Gratefully, my marriage is blossoming as we plan new things together! It feels lighter and a bit more fun without the endless decision making or problem-solving that comes with full-time parenting. Although I cried a bit to visit our family beach location as a twosome, the beach was still warm after Labor Day with the newfound liberation of adventures in early September. I miss seeing my children every day, but I am beginning to experience them as adults, especially my oldest, and I am pleased that traces of our parenting are shining through. The foundation is there, but parenting is not over, it is simply different now. The possibilities of who they are becoming, as independent people, brings a smile to my face and makes me feel proud of the great people they have become. It is a time for life review, renewal, redefinition, and accepting the wonder of new possibilities. My skepticism for this new chapter is fading, and my anxiety is turning into excitement. I think peace may even be around the corner.

Do you have thoughts on the empty nest? Please share them below or email [email protected].