Keeping Teens and Tweens Safe
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William Galvin said, "Mother Nature is providential. She gives us 12 years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers." That was the topic of the discussion on Thursday, May 7th at the Scarsdale Middle School PTA where author and parenting expert Joani Geltman, MSW discussed parent and teen relationships. She has been in practice for 30 years and recently published a book for parents of teens called A Survival Guide to Parenting Teens: Talking to Your Kids About Sexting, Drinking, Drugs, and Other Things That Freak You Out. Ms. Geltman kept the audience highly engaged by focusing on the following topics:
• The development of the emotional brain vs. the thinking brain (and teen drama)
• Smartphones, texting, dangerous apps for teens, and how to stay on top of it as a parent
• Becoming increasingly self-conscious and sexual development
The battle between the feeling brain versus the thinking brain and teen drama
Ms. Geltman talked about a study that compared the teenage brain to the adult brain with the hypothesis that their brains behave the same way emotionally. Slides of human faces were shown with various emotions. "The frontal cortex, or the thinking part of the brain was activated in adults," Ms. Geltman reported. "However the amygdala, or the feeling part of the brain, was activated in teens." She discussed how this may contribute to what makes the teen-parent relationship challenging. "You are living in a different brain than your teen, literally," she said. "Teens live more in the moment and are more emotional because of this...teen drama anyone?" Teenagers are on a journey of self-discovery. They need to learn by trial and error and parents need to let them learn. "Sometimes just saying 'I get it' is better than lecturing your teen," she suggested. "Acknowledge their pain, but don't minimize or exaggerate it. Don't tell them what to do- kids need to learn how to cope." She talked about how sometimes things that seem inconsequential to us, both positive and negative, feel like the best or worst things ever for a teen. "Teens get caught up in moments and you may not always find what your teen is doing to be likeable," Ms. Geltman said. "Teach them core values and trust them to eventually learn how to make the right choices. "
Smartphones, group texts, dangerous apps for teens, and how to stay on top of it as a parent
Social media, smart phones, and apps now play a role in our child's development whether we like it or not. By sixth grade, most kids have phones and from a social and safety stand point, Geltman thinks they should. However, she warned, "...smartphones are the new binkie. Kids get easily addicted (as do adults) and they're a total time suck. I've never seen so many kids with anxiety and depression and I think these phones are partly to blame for that." She recommends involving kids in the process of setting limits on phone use; for example, saying something to the effect of, I get how important the phone is to you to keep in touch with your friends. But let's figure out a reasonable amount of time for you to be on it. 
Geltman also recommended having knowledge about what is on your teen's phone and computer to protect them from potential harm. "You absolutely need to understand apps including their icons," Ms. Geltman cautioned. "Ask your kids to explain what the app does and why they need it. Apps can be very dangerous and parents should have oversight. To do this on your teen's smartphone, go into settings, general, restrictions and then you can require that a password needs to be entered by you in order to download an app."
Why can apps be dangerous?
Yik yak and Snapchat are all about secrecy and there is no reason these apps should be used by your teenager. Ms. Geltman recommends allowing the use of Twitter or Instagram instead. "Make your kid convince you why they need the app. Snapchat texts disappear right after you read them," she warned, "so monitoring this is impossible." Group texts can also be harmful because they can become a form of peer pressure. Ms. Geltman suggests advising your children to back themselves out of the group text if it seems inappropriate and also letting your kids know that you've heard stories of people taking screen shots of group texts. Oovoo is a new video form of group texting that requires a person be included but can also allow the initiator to then exclude the person from participating. Instagram is okay, according to Ms. Geltman, but KIK (another side to Instagram) is not. For instance, if a camp friend posts pictures, a friend of a friend can see them and another person with KIK can connect with you privately. Therefore, this is not recommended for teens. "Facebook Messenger" is a popular way for teens to connect. "You may not see a lot on their Facebook walls but if you click on messenger, you'll see a lot more of what's going on," she said. YouNow, Meekat, and Periscope are live stream video apps and are dangerous for obvious reasons. YouNow even lets people all over the world buy "fan points" earning money for the person who is live streaming the video.
Geltman summed up by urging parents, "...know your teen's phone, limit the number of apps downloaded, don't allow cell phones in bedrooms, require at least two hours cell phone free a night (even if homework is done), don't allow cell phone service at school even if it's off, and monitor it periodically."
Becoming increasingly self-conscious and developing sexually
Geltman also talked about the imaginary audiences of teenagers. "They're hyper self-conscious," she said. "For example, in elementary school kids measure themselves against other kids in a competitive way, such as comparing spelling test scores. But in middle school, it becomes 'I got the best score on the spelling test and everyone thinks I'm so smart/such a nerd.' Teens and tweens think that everyone has a thought about them." This causes a lot of angst for teenagers and social media doesn't help at all. Teens also begin to pursue attention. "They may discover what it's like to feel sexy," Ms. Geltman said, "I have news for you parents. You may not want to hear it or admit it but this is normal! Denial or judgment will just push them away." She suggested trying to relate to your teen by making up examples of relationship stories, and asking your teen what they would do in a hypothetical situation rather than saying "you better not or you're not allowed," as these strategies will backfire. You can also use movies, or TV shows as examples: "Once I heard a story that a bunch of boys were trying to get some girls to take their clothes off and one girl just pretended she was sick and went home. "Kids aren't usually bad kids," Geltman added. "They're just consumed with themselves and how to fit in. Monitor your kids, educate them without telling them what to do, and talk to them. Do these things and you will have succeeded as a parent."
You can learn more from Ms. Geltman about parenting your teenager by reading her blog, following her on Twitter, or ordering her book. She also loves running "Ask the Expert" parties where groups of parents book her to discuss better managing teens.
Richard Altieri Wins Thomas J. Watson Fellowship
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Scarsdale's Richard Atieri has been awarded a Thomas J. Watson Fellowship to explore how other cultures deal with laughter. Now a senior at Amherst College, Altieri '15 will spend 2015–2016 abroad, learning about world styles of standup comedy.
Altieri, who grew up in Scarsdale and attended Scarsdale Schools and Regis High School, majors in philosophy and is fluent in Chinese and Spanish. During his Fellowship year, he will challenge the idea that jokes don't translate.
"As a cross-cultural humorist, I intend to re-conceive comedic forms and bring people together through laughter," he wrote in his Watson application. He plans to pursue an advanced degree in philosophy of humor, and eventually build a career as a writer, performer and teacher.
For his Watson year, Altieri intends to immerse himself in the comedic traditions of four cities: Santiago de Chile, Taipei, Singapore and London. He plans to attend stand-up comedy open-mics and other shows, while staying with a host family to "see what makes a family laugh at the dinner table." Then he will take to the microphone himself, with local comedians as guides. The intended result is to "reinterpret regional styles and reimagine American forms of comedy," said Altieri, currently a member of Mr. Gad's House of Improv, a student improv comedy troupe at Amherst.
The Thomas J. Watson Foundation was created in 1961 in honor of the founder of International Business Machines (IBM). Each Watson Fellow receives $25,000 for 12 months of travel, college loan assistance as needed and an insurance allowance.
This year, close to 700 candidates at select private liberal arts colleges and universities submitted proposals for Watson Fellowships. Of that number, 150 finalists were nominated to compete on the national level. Altieri was among 50 fellows selected from 19 states and eight countries.
Amherst has had 89 Watson Fellows during the program's history.
Former STEP Student Keith Martinez honored with Truman Scholarship
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Villanova University Junior Keith Martinez, a Gates Millennium and Presidential Scholar from the Oglala Lakota Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota, was one of 58 students from across the nation named as a recipient of the Harry S. Truman Scholarship. Former Secretary of State Madeleine K. Albright, President of the Harry S. Truman Scholarship Foundation, announced the names of the 2015 Scholars – from 50 U.S. colleges and universities. The Truman Scholarship Foundation recognizes college juniors with exceptional leadership potential who are committed to making a difference through public service.
About Keith
Keith grew up on and off the Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota and is an enrolled member of the Oglala Lakota Sioux tribe. Keith is a graduate of Scarsdale High School in NY, where he spent his last two years in the STEP program, an intensive college preparatory program for talented youth. Keith spent his first two years of High School at the Little Wound School in Kyle, SD. Keith is a junior at Villanova University.
Keith is Chair of the Youth Advisory Board for Lakota Children's Enrichment, a nonprofit that empowers youth in his home community on the Pine Ridge Reservation. Keith has received numerous awards for his service with LCE: he was named South Dakota's National Child Awareness Month Service Ambassador by Youth Service of America (2013-14); a Champion for Change by the Center for Native American Youth at the Aspen Institute (2014-15); and he is the recipient of a scholarship to the PPIA Summer Institute at Princeton University (2015). Keith frequently speaks about the power of education, seeking help and perseverance, and made his international speaking debut in the summer of 2014 at the Nexus Global Youth Summit at the United Nations.
Keith said of the appointment: "I am officially a 2015 Truman Scholar representing Villanova, my family, and the Native American youth out there who have a dream. Everyday I remind myself why I do what I do. That is, to make the future brighter for the youth that I know can reach their potential. I want to take this time to say that I am extremely grateful for this opportunity, it has been quite the journey to get to where I am today -- but my journey is not over, I look forward to the next chapter. I am glad to be in such amazing company at the Truman Foundation. I also want to take this time to say how extremely thankful I am for all those who support me and stand by my side everyday through the good times and the bad times. I want you all to know that this wouldn't be possible without you and that words alone can not describe how truly grateful I am."
LCE President Maggie Dunne, 24, who founded LCE when she was a student at Scarsdale High School said: "We are so proud of Keith for continuing to support his community, while also pursuing higher education at Villanova University. I founded Lakota Children's Enrichment to elevate the voices of Native Youth, to encourage talented future leaders like Keith Martinez to set big goals, and to help open doors to make those dreams come true. Keith was LCE's first youth advisor, and went on to Co-Found and Chair LCE's Youth Advisory Board, a group that helps LCE shape its programs on the Reservation. The growing successes of the Youth Board members rising behind Keith are a testimony to the success of LCE's collaborative approach working with the community to help youth reach their goals, and to the critical role that Keith serves by demonstrating by example that with hard work and focus, dreams can come true."
About Lakota Children's Enrichment
Lakota Children's Enrichment is a for-purpose nonprofit that provides leadership and mentorship opportunities to youth from the Pine Ridge Reservation in SD. LCE works collaboratively with community groups and a Youth Board to create and produce opportunities for community service, arts, literacy, leadership and mentorship. LCE's premiere programs include: an annual Writing and Art Challenge, which has the support of renowned panel of judges; Youth Summits that provide opportunities for expression in the arts, education, mentorship, leadership and always incorporate community service; and a Youth Advisory Board from across the Reservation, who help create new programs. LCE further provides essential support and services to help community members implement programs benefitting Native Youth, and educates people about the obstacles facing America's first peoples today.
About the Scarsdale STEP Program
The Scarsdale Transfer Education Program ("STEP") is a two year college preparatory program for promising students of color (including those of Native American heritage) who may benefit from Scarsdale's challenging academic environment. STEP prepares these students for positions of leadership and responsibility in their college years and beyond. Keith Martinez was the first representative from the Oglala Lakota on Pine Ridge Reservation to participate in the program. In the Fall of 2015, STEP will welcome LCE Youth Board Vice Chair Summer Montileaux to the program!
About the Truman Scholarship
The Truman Scholars were chosen by 17 independent selection panels on the basis of their academic and leadership accomplishments and their likelihood of becoming public service leaders. Selection panels met across the U.S. and included distinguished leaders, university presidents, elected officials, federal judges, prominent public servants, and past Truman Scholarship winners. The 2015 Truman Scholars will assemble in May for a leadership development program at William Jewell College in Liberty, Missouri, and receive their awards in a special ceremony at the Truman Library in Independence, Missouri.
Each new Truman Scholar receives up to $30,000 for graduate study. Scholars also receive priority admission and supplemental financial aid at some premier graduate institutions, leadership training, career and graduate school counseling, and special internship opportunities within the federal government. Recipients must be U.S. citizens, have outstanding leadership potential and communication skills, be in the top quarter of their class, and be committed to careers in government or the non-profit sector.
The Truman Scholarship Foundation was established by Congress in 1975 as the federal memorial to the thirty-third President, Harry S. Truman. The Foundation awards scholarships for college students to attend graduate school in preparation for careers in government or elsewhere in public service. The activities of the Foundation are supported by a special trust fund in the US Treasury.
Leading Ladies Opt Out
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Two celebrity speakers, scheduled to appear in Scarsdale have both opted out. Chancellor Merryl Tisch of the NYS Regents was scheduled to appear on a panel about the Common Core with Scarsdale Schools Superintendent Thomas Hagerman and State Assemblywoman Amy Paulin on Thursday April 30th at Scarsdale Library. After the furor about the recent state tests, Governor Cuomo's mandate to evaluate teachers based on student test results and calls for Tisch to step down, she has decided not to appear in Scarsdale this week. Instead, she will send newly appointed Regent Judith Johnson. However Tisch says she will be in the audience and will presumable be available to answer questions.
Johnson is a former superintendent of the Peekskill and Mt. Vernon schools and also worked in the federal department of elementary and secondary education as acting assistant secretary. In 2008 she was named Superintendent of the Year by the State Council of School Superintendents. She has a reputation for being outspoken and asking tough questions.
When the Scarsdale Forum, who organized the panel, learned that representatives from other districts planned to attend – and perhaps protest - the panel discussion was moved to a larger venue with a bigger parking lot. The discussion will now take place in the Scarsdale High School auditorium at 7:30 pm and the community is invited to attend what promises to be a very lively conversation.
Kerry Kennedy, who was billed as the speaker for the annual luncheon for the League of Women Voters of Scarsdale has also changed her plans. Siting a family commitment, she cancelled her appearance on Friday May 8th. Instead, the League has invited Elisabeth Bumiller, the Washington Editor of The New York Times. A leading journalist and author and frequent commentator on politics and government policy, Ms. Bumiller will speak about Women in Politics.
Previously, Ms. Bumiller was the deputy Washington Bureau Chief for the Times, where she oversaw White House and domestic policy reporting. She was a Pentagon correspondent from 2008 to early 2013, a position through which she traveled frequently with the Secretary of Defense and embedded with the American military in Afghanistan. In 2008, she covered the presidential campaign of Senator John McCain. She was a White House correspondent from September 2001 to 2006 and also wrote a weekly column, White House Letter, about the people and behind-the-scenes events of the presidency.
Ms. Bumiller has also served as the Times City Hall Bureau chief responsible for covering Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani and his Senate race against Hillary Rodham Clinton, and was a general assignment reporter on the Times' Metropolitan staff.
Ms. Bumiller is the author of three books: Condoleezza Rice: An American Life; May You Be the Mother of a 
Hundred Sons: A Journey Among the Women of India; and The Secrets of Mariko: A Year in the Life of a Japanese Woman and Her Family.
Ms. Bumiller graduated from the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University and the Graduate School of Journalism at Columbia University. She was a Public Policy Scholar at the Woodrow Wilson International Center and a Transatlantic Fellow at the German Marshall Fund of the United States.
The public is invited to the Scarsdale League's annual spring luncheon at the Scarsdale Golf Club on May 8, 2015, at 11:45AM. Admission is $40 ($45 at the door), High School and college students discounted to $20. Please RSVP by May 5 to: Anne Lyons, 82 Greenacres Avenue, Scarsdale, NY 10583 or online here. Questions: please contact Anne Lyons, [email protected].
NY Times Journalist Elisabeth Bumiller to Speak at the LWVS Luncheon
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Elisabeth Bumiller, the Washington Editor of The New York Times, will speak at the Scarsdale League of Women Voters Annual Spring Luncheon on May 8th. Kerry Kennedy, originally scheduled to speak, cancelled due to a family commitment.
A leading journalist and author and frequent commentator on politics and government policy, Ms. Bumiller will speak about Women in Politics.
Previously, Ms. Bumiller was the deputy Washington Bureau Chief for the Times, where she oversaw White House and domestic policy reporting. She was a Pentagon correspondent from 2008 to early 2013, a position through which she traveled frequently with the Secretary of Defense and embedded with the American military in Afghanistan. In 2008, she covered the presidential campaign of Senator John McCain. She was a White House correspondent from September 2001 to 2006 and also wrote a weekly column, White House Letter, about the people and behind-the-scenes events of the presidency.
Ms. Bumiller has also served as the Times City Hall Bureau chief responsible for covering Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani and his Senate race against Hillary Rodham Clinton, and was a general assignment reporter on the Times' Metropolitan staff.
Ms. Bumiller is the author of three books: Condoleezza Rice: An American Life; May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons: A Journey Among the Women of India; and The Secrets of Mariko: A Year in the Life of a Japanese Woman and Her Family.
Ms. Bumiller graduated from the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University and the Graduate School of Journalism at Columbia University. She was a Public Policy Scholar at the Woodrow Wilson International Center and a Transatlantic Fellow at the German Marshall Fund of the United States.
The public is invited to the Scarsdale League's annual spring luncheon.
The luncheon, which will follow the League's annual meeting, will be held at the Scarsdale Golf Club on May 8, 2015, at 11:45AM. Admission is $40 ($45 at the door), High School and college students discounted to $20. Please RSVP by May 5 to: Anne Lyons, 82 Greenacres Avenue, Scarsdale, NY 10583 or online at lwvs.org., Event Tickets. Questions: please contact Anne Lyons, [email protected].
