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Category: The Goods

Published: 18 April 2013

When Danielle DeZao entered one of her first dating relationships at college, she felt all the initial excitement of attraction. However, soon that thrill degenerated into verbal fights, control over her activities, and finally physical abuse. In a quick turn of events, which DeZao's own mother calls "chilling," Danielle had become a victim of dating abuse. Today, as a survivor and activist, she is committed to sharing her story of how she came to the realization that she was in an abusive relationship and how with the help of family and friends she reclaimed her life -- from the ABC News program "What Would You Do?" all the way to the White House.

DeZao and her mother Denise, who have become spokespersons for campaigns against teen dating abuse, will be featured speakers at a special program, "Love Shouldn't Hurt: Talking with your kids about healthy relationships" on May 22 at 7:30 p.m. at the Scarsdale Woman's Club. The program is designed to help parents help their children who might be victims of dating abuse. One in four teens will be victims, and the incidence of abuse increases in college. DeZao, a 2012 Marist College graduate who grew up in Westchester and Bergen counties, and her mother will share their experiences, warning signs, what to do, and how parents and friends can intervene.

A panel will join the DeZaos to discuss the many facets of abusive relationships, to identify available resources and to respond to questions. The panel discussion will be led by Lauren Pomerantz, LCSW, Scarsdale High School Youth Outreach worker, who will be joined by panelists Sharon Charles, LCSW, youth counselor with Westchester Jewish Community Services and the Joe Torre Safe at Home Foundation; Det. Sherri Albano, Scarsdale Police Department's youth officer; Amy Paulin, NYS Assemblywoman; and Chris D'Silva, the leader of the High School's Students Terminating Abusive Relationships (STAR) chapter.

Lauren Pomerantz, who is a principal contact for Scarsdale's teens who might be in unhealthy relationships, believes that date abuse cannot be addressed by parents or schools alone, but rather requires a community response. She is encouraged by the many community organizations and leaders who have agreed to be sponsors of the event. "This community support demonstrates the understanding in our community leaders that relationship abuse affects all parts of our society, regardless of economic status, national background, race or ethnicity."

The Rev. Dr. John Miller of Hitchcock Presbyterian Church noted, "We need to create a community of respect for our children so that they understand what healthy relationships look like and feel like. At the same time parents need to be educated about the danger signs of unhealthy and dangerous relationships and given tools on how to discuss these sensitive issues with their children." Rabbi Jonathan Blake of the Westchester Reform Temple reflected that sentiment, urging parents to attend. "We know that many of our teens are hurting, either as victims of unhealthy relationships, or as friends of victims who feel powerless to provide support. Parents are a critical resource for their children, offering protection, education, and caring. However, when children leave home for college or adult life they often encounter unfamiliar circumstances including dating abuse. Often, even the most caring parents and friends feel powerless to address these destructive relationships. I am pleased to join my colleagues in the faith community and other community organizations and leaders in bringing this important message to our community."

The Scarsdale Coalition on Family Violence, which has organized programs addressing domestic violence since 2001, is coordinating the event. Sponsors include The Center @ 862; Maroon & White; Scarsdale Community Support Council; Scarsdale-Edgemont Family Counseling Service; Scarsdale-Edgemont Girl Scouts; Scarsdale-Hartsdale Clergy Association; Scarsdale High School PTA; Scarsdale Middle and High Schools; Scarsdale Police Department; Scarsdale Woman's Club; Village of Scarsdale; Westchester Jewish Community Services; Youth Advisory Council; Kenneth Bonamo, Principal, Scarsdale High School; Michael T. McDermott, Principal, Scarsdale Middle School; Dr. Michael V. McGill, Superintendent of Schools; Amy Paulin, NY State Assemblywoman; and Robert J. Steves, Mayor, Village of Scarsdale.

For more information on the May 22 program, contact David Kroenlein at dkroenlein@aol.com or 914-645-5067. Visit. www.breakthecycle.com for more information on teen dating abuse.

Details

Category: The Goods

Published: 22 April 2013

I am a New Yorker. In November 1998, my husband and I were married at Windows on the World, the famed restaurant on the 106th floor of the north tower of the World Trade Center. Our wedding occurred on a perfect fall day, crisp and clear. We exchanged vows as the sun set. The red and pink glow gave way to a spectacular nighttime cityscape dotted with lights that stretched for miles.

I love my city.

On September 11th, 2001, when the towers fell, I spent several difficult hours reassuring my seventh grade students at Scarsdale Middle School that their parents who worked in New York City were almost certainly fine. Safe. On their way home right this minute.

But, of course, I didn't know that for sure.

Meanwhile, my husband was part of the city's pilgrimage, walking uptown, towards my mother's apartment. We were both unable to get home to Brooklyn.
New Yorkers have known terror. We have known the sadness, uncertainty, and loss particular to such an atrocity. We live in a city that, like Boston, was attacked in two distinct, choreographed blows.

Tower one. Tower two.

Explosion one. Explosion two.

Boston has been on all our minds this past week. Nationally and internationally, the story has touched people's hearts and moved them to action.

But, as New Yorkers, we really get it. Don't we?

Boston is on a path towards healing. But one thing New Yorkers know – and that Bostonians are about to discover - are the reverberating ripples of influence a terrorist attack brings not only on a city and its people, but also on its tourism, its real estate market, and its economy as a whole.

And so, this summer, I propose that New Yorkers, en masse, visit Boston.

Let's keep the city vibrant, its restaurants and shops bustling, and its hotels filled.

Think of it: historic walks, great pubs, and local accents that put ours to shame! All of this can be yours when you visit Boston.

To make planning the trip easier on you, I have compiled, with the help of my Boston-based, hip, 20-something cousins, a Top 10 list of attractions in and around Beantown. In trying to be creative, I have purposefully avoided most of the obvious touristy things that you probably already know about, such as The Freedom Trail and Faneuil Hall  although some touristy attractions had to make the list.

1. Exercise. Tour the city on bicycles by taking the Hubway instead of the subway. This bike-sharing system throughout Metro-Boston lets you unlock bikes set up at docking stations all around town. You can join for a 24-hour pass or a three-day access pass.

2. Play ball. Attend a Red Sox game on July 19th, 20th, or 21st...when they play against the Yankees, of course! I won't tell you which team to root for, but I will tell you to grab a great meal before or after the game at Island Creek Oyster Bar. (That's "Baaah.") (Love oysters? Want a real New England experience? Then visit the farm where these come from and boat along Duxbury Bay.

3. Appreciate art. Like your culture with a side of tequila? Visit The Institute of Contemporary Art, which offers a "First Friday" event for 21 and up. "Art goes overtime on the first Friday of the month with guest DJs, live performance, gallery talks, specialty drinks, and more. The ICA's Water Café will offer a small plates menu and full bar, including cocktails inspired by the museum's current exhibitions." This event does sell out, so get your tix in advance here:

4. Shop. Visit Boston's original Art and Indi Design Market! "Celebrating its 10th year, the SoWa Open Market® is the hip and happening place to be on Sundays from May to October! The market is located outdoors in the vibrant SoWa district in Boston's South End and includes an extensive arts/crafts section with a rotating group of indie makers and designers, an award winning farmer's market and a collection of the yummiest food trucks around. To round out your Sunday, within walking distance you'll find a vintage market, artist studios, galleries, shops and many of Boston's best restaurants."

5. Enjoy music. Speaking of outdoor activities, why not have dinner and drinks along the waterfront followed by a concert at The Bank of America Pavillion? This summer, see Sting, The Go-Go's, LL Cool J, The xx and Grizzly Bear...and many more. Concert schedule here:

6. Bring the kids. Travelling with young children? Then visit The New England Aquarium, The Museum of Science and/or The amazing Children's Museum.

7. Eat. You don't need to travel overseas to enjoy unique culinary experiences. Head to Stir, a demonstration kitchen and cookbook store for cooking lessons from Top Chef Winner Kristen Kish:

Foodies will also love Craigie on Main. The burgers are apparently out of this world, but since the restaurant only serves 18 each night, you better line up early for this elusive piece of perfection.

8. Set sail. Go sailing along the Charles River. You can pretend you are a Winklevoss rowing crew for Harvard.

9. Wine and dine Italian style. Dinner and dessert in the North End is a must. My kids live for the Whoopie Pies at Mike's Pastry, but my cousin prefers the cannoli at Modern Pastry. Heck, have both.

10. Act like a tourist. I must conclude this list with my favorite childhood memory of Boston, taking a ride on the Swan Boats in the Public Garden. Read "Make Way for Ducklings" and the "Trumpet of the Swan" to your children before making the trip to this beautiful 24-acre park. Follow it up with a fancy, kid-friendly meal at The Four Seasons and then shop along Newbury Street.

Columnist and blogger Julie Gerstenblatt writes with humor and candor about her life in Scarsdale, her friends and family, and the particular demands of motherhood and wifedom in modern-day suburbia. Read about her new book Lauren Takes Leave and keep up with the latest from Julie Gerstenblatt at http://juliegerstenblatt.com.

Details

Category: The Goods

Published: 08 April 2013

"Did you get your new crown yet?" My father-in-law, Steve, asked me when he came to visit last weekend. "You know, at the dentist?"

I knew which crown he meant, since I don't (usually) wear one on my head. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for my mouth. I have so many crowns on my teeth that I'm like dental royalty. This one, my third, had taken a particularly long time to install, so to speak. The process started right before New Year's and just ended in March.

"Yeah," I said. I couldn't imagine why he'd really care, although I was sort of touched that he remembered my dental woes.
"Is there anything special about your crown?" He asked, smiling.
"No...." I said. "It's just regular."
"Just regular, huh?" He asked, smiling wider.

So now I knew he was up to something. But what?

This was literally the first conversation we were having since he arrived in New York from Rhode Island to visit for the weekend. He and I were standing in my driveway. He had said hello to my husband, Brett, but he hadn't taken his bag out of the car or even said hi to the kids. Steve clearly had a joke to tell me and he was really excited about it.

Let me back up. What you need to know is that he's a bit of a jokester, my father-in-law. He likes to dress up as a pirate, for example. He recently took this pirate fetish of his to a new level, when he started carrying pirate flags around in his car to place on friends' lawns, "claiming" their land as his own. He had one for us as well. Into the pachysandra it went.

Now back to the teeth.

"It's porcelain," I said. "Nothing special."
"Let me see."

I opened wide and showed off my very expensive but only mildly thrilling new crown. Bottom left. Back tooth.

"Awwww...." Steve said, seemingly disappointed. "It's not like mine."
"Oh, that's right." I said. "You got a new crown too."
"Yeah. And it's got something on it." Steve said, opening wide for me to see. His was on the top right, second from the back.
A pink breast cancer ribbon was etched into the tooth.

I'm not kidding.
His crown is a breast cancer awareness crown.
I didn't even know they made those.

"I didn't even know they made those!" I said.
"They don't," he laughed. "The dental technician did it just for me. She has breast cancer, and her daughter recently died from the disease, and she knew about Linda and her story. So she called the guy who was making the tooth and asked if he could do it."

Just to explain, my mother-in-law, Linda, died a year and a half ago from stage 4 breast cancer. My father-in-law has since embraced the pink ribbon and collects different items that make a distinct nod to the cause. He always wears a pink ribbon pin on his jacket lapel, and he has a dog tag hanging from his car's rear view mirror that reads "courage," in pink, white, and grey army fatigue.

You get the idea. But this? This tooth thing? That's kind of way beyond.

It's not like anyone can see it, first of all, which is antithetical to the whole "awareness" principal of the ribbon. And, secondly, it wasn't like a donation was made to the Susan G Koman Foundation when Steve purchased his fancy tooth. Basically, Steve's new crown doesn't raise awareness or funding for breast cancer research.

So, what's the point?

The point is that Steve knows it's there. When he smiles, he thinks of my mother-in-law, Linda. When he brushes his teeth before bed, he thinks of her. When he enjoys an ice cream cone and it makes his mouth feel deliciously cold, he thinks of Linda.
It's like hiding a tattoo for a loved one somewhere under your clothes. It's personal, and unique, and not for everyone. "It's never going to come off," Steve said. And that's what he likes about it.

In October, my father-in-law walks with pride in the breast cancer walk. The rest of the year? You can bet he'll be talking the talk.

Columnist and blogger Julie Gerstenblatt writes with humor and candor about her life in Scarsdale, her friends and family, and the particular demands of motherhood and wifedom in modern-day suburbia. Read about her new book Lauren Takes Leave and keep up with the latest from Julie Gerstenblatt at http://juliegerstenblatt.com.